A special treat here at Blogger Dad. My 20 month old son E has written his first guest post. Yeah, I know at 20 months old he should already have two money-making blogs and a few e-books under his diaper, but this is his first blog post.
Please be gentle.
“Can I watch a video and run around naked?
Yeah? Yeah!
I hope my mama says yes, I hope my mama says yes!”
-Jacks Big Music Show
Mommy and daddy seemed really excited to take me to the mall Saturday night. They put me in the stroller and pushed me. There were all kinds of interesting looking people in the mall. I tried to stare at all of them, but we moved too fast.
Soon we were standing in front of lights and a giant tree and a train and all sorts of pretty things. Something big was going on.
Mommy and daddy got in line.
We stood in line forever! There were lots of babies and some older kids. I couldn’t see what we were in line for until we got a bit closer.
Then I saw him. A man in red was sitting in a giant chair – bigger than daddy’s chair, even.
And the mommies and daddies were handing their kids to the man in red! And he made them cry! After they cried for a few minutes, he handed the babies back to their mommies and daddies.
Why would mommies and daddies give their babies to the man who makes them cry?
I looked up at my mommy and daddy to ask them. They never understand me.
They smiled and said, “Look, E, it’s Santa!”
So, this baby torturer has a name.
As the line got smaller, I got a better view.
Then I noticed that some of the kids weren’t crying.
They talked to Santa. I couldn’t hear them, but they looked like they were describing things to him. Santa smiled and the kids smiled and then Santa gave the kids back to their mommies and daddies and nobody cried.
Maybe Santa was nice to some of the kids?
The mommy and daddy in front of us had two babies who looked just like each other! They also had two older kids with them. It was their turn to see Santa. I would see how their visit went before deciding if I would make a run for the door. I’m faster than daddy, I can probably get away.
I didn’t take my eyes off the babies in front of me.
The mommy and daddy gave the babies that looked like each other to Santa. I watched and waited. Maybe Santa wasn’t going to make them cry. Maybe he was going to smile and talk to them like he did with some of the other kids.
That’s when I realized that all the kids who Santa was nice to were older kids.
And then the babies started crying!
OH NO!
Santa HATES babies!
I looked around for an escape.
Then daddy smiled at me and told me it would be okay.
Mommy and daddy wouldn’t lie to me, would they?
It was our turn.
Mommy sat down with me on a small chair in front of Santa’s chair, while daddy stood really, really far away. I wanted him to come closer just in case this Santa guy tried to put me in one of those big red bags he had lying around.
I could tell that mommy wanted to put me on Santa’s lap for some reason. And some woman next to daddy was holding a camera. What were these people doing?!
I started to cry.
Santa showed me his hands, he was wearing white things on them which matched his hairy face and his funny hat. He wanted me to give him five.
Sorry, I don’t know you that well, Santa.
Mommy said it was okay. So I gave him five. He asked me questions. I answered, but he didn’t seem to understand me.
Mommy tried to get me to sit on his lap, but I shook my head no.
Mommy was getting far away and I cried again and reached out to her and daddy, who was now making funny faces and trying to get me to laugh.
Daddy was being super goofy and made me smile. The lady with the camera started taking pictures. I smiled some more. I like pictures.
Then it was over and mommy was looking at the pictures while daddy held me. It was good to be in daddy’s arms, though I don’t know why he left me alone with Santa.
Then daddy paid another lady.
They pay this Santa guy to torture kids?
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Just brilliant.
You forgot the part where you can actually FEEL parents willing their children to like Santa.
Taras last blog post..Run for cover, it’s a meme
you got a great picture! My daughter saw Santa for the first time this year, at 2 1/2 and she wouldn’t say a word, but we got a great shot.
Just found your blog through CK –love it! Come visit me if you get the chance!
Petras last blog post..(Almost) Wordless Wednesday
Dude, that was awesome! E looks adorable!! The site looks fantastic!!!
Nothing but high-fives today, my man. You are on fire (that’s good. stay warm).
Writer Dads last blog post..Bang!
Awesome!
You’ve got a cute little feller, there.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K (still giggling)
Kyddryns last blog post..The Good Soul
One year I had to have my picture taken with Santa because non of my children would comply with my hopes for a cute picture for Grandparents…ah me!
What a great picture and even a good looking Santa…of course way out shined by the kiddo.. What a handsome fellow – looks like his mom right?
Oh the magic of Christmas is growing at your house and you are really writing some fine stuff here…I agree with writer Dad “Nothing but high-fives today, my man. You are on fire (that’s good. stay warm).”
Thank you – that made for some real joy for me.
Patricias last blog post..Anatomy of a Fat Cell
Santa scared my kid as well. But he still got his gift. It was all in good fun.
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Spoken Word: I’m Glad
That was wonderful! I really enjoyed your first post, E. Tell your daddy that his tag is now up on my blog.
Kool Aids last blog post..Randomness
Every single Santa picture of me as a child is of Rob and I smiling, and Alex screaming and bawling. Every single one. Then when Rob and I got too old for that sort of thing, my mother sadistically kept taking Alex, and he kept screaming and bawling. Seriously, it was one of our family traditions: Torture Alex.
Urban Panthers last blog post..Growing up golfing
E, that was a great post…especially the very last sentence. You were very brave. don’t hate me when I say you will understand someday, okay?
Dave, that was too cute. And so is he!
BJ Keltzs last blog post..Ego and the Writer
how heartless of you making the poor kiddo cry!!!
hehehehe
UrbanVoxs last blog post..The whole Shebang
Tara – Well, I didn’t forget it. E did. And what can you expect, he’s not even two years old yet? Sheesh, critics!
Writer Dad – En fuego! Thanks!
Kyddryn – Thanks and yeah, he plays up his cuteness every chance he gets.
Patricia – Thank you, I appreciate the nice words. That’s funny about taking your pic with Santa. I think if I were to suggest such a thing, Santa would have quit on the spot. “You are NOT sitting on my knee!”
Matthew – Fortunately, my son has no idea who Santa is so he didn’t get to ask for a gift. If my son could talk and one asked him what he wanted for Christmas, I wonder what he would say. He isn’t really exposed to toy commercials or anything which I think would prompt him to say, “ooh, I want that!”
Kool Aid – Thank you! I’ll check out your post.
Urban Panther – That is funny! Tradition!
BJ Keltz – E says “bahe rebbo” whatever that means. I say – thanks!
UrbanVox – Believe me, it’s not my intention to make him crying. The sound of babies/toddlers crying sounds like nails on a chalkboard. Funny thing is, when he was a newborn, I thought his little tiny cry was adorable.