Annoying Things I do – a list… by my wife
So last week I published that list of dumb things I do (I was a bit late in doing so, but I finally responded to your comments this morning). Well, as you may recall, I mentioned that I would create a list of annoying things my wife does. There are only two things on the list, which I will detail shortly. However, in anticipation of MY list, my wife made a list of things that I do which annoy her.
A dozen items!
And I swear she typed it up in five minutes flat. In fact, I suspect she simply cut and pasted it from an existing file.
First my list.
Annoying things my wife does
1) Hand towels. My wife is obsessed with hanging hand towels from every drawer, hook and handle in the kitchen. What is it with women and hand towels? My wife is not the first woman I’ve known who seems to have more hand towels than pairs of socks. It’s not that I don’t like hand towels, it’s just that every time I open a drawer or lean against something, the damned things fall on the floor. And since the floor apparently is loaded with the most dangerous bacteria this side of a public restroom – judging from my wife’s reaction when I drop a towel – I am constantly having to throw the things in the hamper without ever having used them.
2) Giving away cake. For some reason, my wife insists on giving away cake whenever people come to our house. “Here, take some cake with you!” And I want to ask, “what are you doing? I plan to eat that in the middle of the night!” but of course I don’t say that because it’s just not polite. Plus, I don’t want people to know I eat cake in the middle of the night. Fortunately nobody reads this blog, so my secret is safe.
I was making a shopping list last night and I was going to pick up something sweet to eat. My wife told me not to get a snack because she has some cake mix she can use. It’s a dump cake, not nearly as unappealing as its name might suggest. At any rate, we ate some for snack and then my wife started cutting up the rest and putting pieces in a plastic box.
I asked, “What are you doing?”
Okay, what I really said was:
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHO ARE YOU GIVING OUR CAKE TOO?!”
She told me she was going to give it to somebody who works somewhere or something. Not even somebody in the family or a neighbor.
Lesson to all my female readers: do not give away a guy’s cake. If you must give cake to other people, buy another cake, one that preferably we know nothing about.
Now, my wife’s list with rebuttals by me.
Things Blogger Dad does that drive me crazy but I still love him
- Leaves water all over the sink when he washes dishes and brushes his teeth. My response: Hey, at least I wash dishes. And brush my teeth. I’m sure there are some guys who do neither.
- Leaves empty soda cans three inches from the trash can instead of throwing them away. Okay, this is impossible because there is nothing within a three inch radius of the trash can on which to place a soda can. 12 inches, maybe.
- Leaves the salt and pepper in different places each time he uses them. Hey, they say to keep the mystery alive in a relationship, right?
- Lets the litter box get beyond nasty before changing it. Okay, this one requires a bit of detail. When my wife got pregnant with E, she was all too happy to inform me that she could not change the cat litter because there is something in cat poop which can endanger the baby. I’m pretty sure this is a myth created by women’s magazines, but whatever, so I agreed… E is now two years old! …Yet the job still remains mine for some reason.
- Saves things that are broken. No fair in listing things I already listed on my list.
- Makes bodily noises without excusing himself or in some cases, warning me. Hey, when I was a kid, my uncle would purposely trap you in a confined space after farting. Imagine HIS girlfriend!
- Points and waves finger at me during a heated discussion. I don’t point, I use my fingers to illustrate.
- Only opens the pack of toilet paper enough to get one roll out. What am I supposed to do? Take ever roll out and stack them in a pyramid like a stock boy in the grocery store?
- Only opens a pack of soda enough to remove one can of soda.
- Parks crooked in parking spots. I’m not crooked, I just choose to park creatively.
- Waits until trash day to bring bags and boxes out even though they stack up in the kitchen. I offered to alleviate this issue by buying an industrial sized 55 gallon trash can for the kitchen, but noooo, my wife wants to stick with the dainty 13 gallon can because the other can is too big. And here’s something else, you can fit a lot more in a trash can when you collapse boxes rather than throwing them away whole.
- Avoids manual labor like the plague. Hey, that is a lie. I mowed the lawn. Once.
Now, to be fair, my wife did close with the following.
But I love that you…
- Play with our son
- Take care of me when I’m sick
- Surprise me with chocolate candies
- Cooks meals
- Does dishes
- Changes diapers
So, there, I’m not all bad. Right?
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28 Responses to “Annoying Things I do – a list… by my wife”
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My wife is allergic to filling the ice cube trays. I find them two places: on the kitchen sink or in the freezer, empty 100% of the time.
Writer Dads last blog post..DAD!
Wow…you brush your teeth AND do dishes? Isn’t that against union rules??
Did you ever see that episode of The Simpsons in which Homer and Marge go to a marriage seminar with the Reverend? And he has them list the things about their spouse that drive them bonkers? Homer can’t think of anything about Marge, but she goes on all night about him? Yeah…
It’s the little things…we love or loathe despite or because of the little things.
Oh, gosh, speaking of cat boxes…’scuse me…I think I forgot to do something last month…
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Kyddryns last blog post..Riot in the Trees
My wife has a habit of leaving food out. Whether it be the tub of butter or leftovers from the fridge. At least 16 times a week I ask her, “are you done with the [enter any food substance here]?” And everytime it’s.. “Oh Sorry!!!”
Jesus says to forgive someone 70 x 7.. She’s on 439 with this issue..
And my wife would probably take years to write the list.. Not that she has to think about it.. Just she has that long of list..
That is if she can find time to do it when not LEAVING FOOD OUT!!
Erics last blog post..Hemmorrhoids, Shemorroids!!!
Nothing annoys me more than my wife giving away cake, or any dessert she has made for us that she for whatever reason now feels a need to share with her co-workers. They don’t share cake with us, so why should I agree that my cake be shared with them. Unless, of course, it is something new that I don’t like. Then share, share away.
After my wife was through nursing I made it quite clear that the litter box was once again her domain after my two and a half year stint as official cat cleaner upper. There is a reason I didn’t own animals before we met, I have a hard enough time taking care of myself, let alone something that will be dependent on you their ENTIRE life.
PJ Mullens last blog post..Midnight Feedings #10: Fourth and Food Edition
This is so awesome, now when I do my list of things my husband does that anoy me, I can cut and paste this. Are all men the same?
Danielle Bs last blog post..Weekend Plans
But you have to give away cake! Why else would you make it if you weren’t going to give it away to people to let them know that you bake stuff. Good stuff. Better than their stuff.
At least your wife is not your mom and not Korean. My mom used to give away our kimchi and what’s worse, make me go on the kimchi rounds. If you are a little half Korean kid that grew up in army housing, you know all about this. First, your mom has an empty container that she needs to return, but she can’t return it empty. No. That’s rude.
So, she fills it up with some more kimchi or crap and puts it in a shopping bag and makes you walk to the far end of the housing area to give it to Ester’s mommy or Jessica’s mommy. But it can’t end there, oh no. Because Joe Bob’s mommy can’t let you go back empty handed, she’s got one of your mom’s containers that she has to fill with kimchi or crap and wrap up in a plastic bag for you to take home to your mom.
But no! It can’t end there, then you bring it home to your mom and she makes some kind “Aiiiigu! That crazy woman, why did she give me so much kimchi? I don’t need all this!” And so she has to scoop half of it out, find a container and wrap it up in a plastic bag and send you to yet another Korean mommy house.
And that’s why to this day, I have incredibly toned calves.
Dang, I really need to stop writing my blog posts in the comments sections of obscure blogs.
Tracys last blog post..Announcing the TnT Bloggers Lounge
Hey you had that one coming. Sounds like you survived alright though.
SeattleDads last blog post..Into the ‘Donate’ Pile
*coughs* I think you and my husband are related….
Melinda | WAHM Biz Builders last blog post..Defining Your Target Market
I’m envious that so many dads did cat box duty. I had to suck it up and do it – the Hubby actually bought me the mask and gloves and informed me, “that is not my cat.” That being said, he was nice enough to recruit his nephew to scoop it once I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and ordered to take it easy on any activity.
However, once I had the child, back to the mask and gloves…
(Okay, yes, the cat is mine and he has never been a cat fan…)
I am impressed that you apparently passed the toilet test with your wife – no pools, puddles or other issues, so good job on that!
As for the list of why she loves you, it sounds very much like the list of why I love my Hubby, too.
RC – Rambling Along…s last blog post..Keeping it clean
Hey Blogger Dad,
I’m with your wife on the dish towel thing. Although I don’t hang them on everything, I like to “collect them”. Maybe it’s because dish towels are relatively inexpensive and they’re pretty to look at. With the downturn in the economy I restrain myself from buying new ones, but when we get busy again, watch out.
My husband does the same thing – leaves trash on the counter, right next to the trash can. What’s that all about? He also leaves food out. If I ask him if he’s done with he, he’ll reply, “I won’t know until I’m done with what I have on my plate”. Then his “Alzheimers” sets in and I end up putting the food away.
And Tracy and the empty container thing – Yep! That’s an unwritten rule. You do not return a container empty – even if it means sacrificing the cake. Sorry!
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..How Writing Catchy Titles May Hurt Our Blog
Okay….here comes the rebuttal to the rebuttals:
On dishtowels: I DO NOT Hang them everywhere…there are two “nice” towels that I fold and hang neatly on the oven door handle. And another SOMETIMES hangs nicely from a drawer near the sink for handy hand/dish drying. That is IT. My husband exagggggggggggggerates.
On manual labor: I have NEVER EVER seen my husband mow a lawn. I don’t know what hour it was that he was writing his rebuttal…must have been the wee hours.
When in doubt, direct questions to me for clarification.
OH and for you, RC, it’s been a long time since he missed the potty. He’s well trained now.
Oh no. My husband just walked in with my favorite donuts like seconds after I posted. Um….errr…… I love you?!
Cake hog! My husband is one too. Detests when I give it (or any other food things) away.
And how exactly is one supposed to access the dishtowels if they’re not hanging somewhere within reach?
Sorry but I’m on Blogger Mom’s side. Possibly because it’s all a little close to home.
Lady Mamas last blog post..The Mac Genius
Dont ya know that giving away the cake is a polite way of not letting you get fat? All those lists, and no complaint about a raised toilet seat, well done.
My oh my I liked this post…and I do love laughing – even the comments made me laugh.
My husband is perfect in nearly every way! He is a perfectionist…but then everything must stay in the same spot in the kitchen it has always been (his mother’s spot) even if it is not convenient for the cook. The kids on the other hand feel free to just put any thing away where there is room for it!
I make two cakes every time – one Gluten Free and one Dairy free…with no kids here and when they are-always wanting to look good – I make only GF cake and I do not eat them.
And why are all the vitamin bottles, spice bottles, cleaning supplies facing backwards in the cupboards…with the door shut who are we advertising to? but since all the labels look the same I do not wish to take his RA medication for my Cal-mag supplement…Thank you but no thank you.
I mow the grass because everyone is allergic…and it keeps me trim. All the flowers are outside, so he designs windows to bring them in as bouquets….
If the kids were tired and exhausting…he stayed at work an extra hour until I found bedtime and control …but if they were throwing up they all knew to go to him, because mommy would share the toilet bowl and be no help at all…
My worst problem though is that they all blow their noses at the dinner table…then my food taste like…..I can not say it…I am sure you got the picture…
I am a creative person who lives and has always lived with perfectionists….I am laid back and let do….I am efficient to an annoying levels…
oh enough on this….I need to go work on the roses…fun visit today – thanks to everyone
Patricias last blog post..These Shoes Were Made for Walking
Hahahaa… her I Love You list is shorter than the things that annoy her.
Did you have to remind me of the hand towels!
There are towels hanging around here that *no-one* can use. If you so much as look as if you’re going to use the hand towel to, oh I don’t know, dry your hands, you will be struck down.
And cushions! The amount of cushions I have to move before I can sit down. Or pillows – I’ve learned to fall asleep while sitting up.
Then there’s the dog poo. I have to clean that up because it’s “my dog”. But when it comes to her two cats, I’m expected to empty the litter box!
One final thing. We men never, ever exaggerate. That is ludicrously preposterous. Totally unheard of. It is in fact entirely the sole domain of the female of the species.
Scientific fact.
Marc – WelshScribes last blog post..SEO 101.4 | Competition Analysis
Marc, just get over it or I’ll tell Mandy about your complaining. Sheesh…..
Melinda | WAHM Biz Builders last blog post..Defining Your Target Market
Be careful which finger you illustrate with or you will have a lot more complaints coming your way. I love your explanations.
Otters last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: Fireworks
@Mel Yes mom
I’m pretty sure I could have written your wife’s list. It sounds exactly like my husband. Totally. All of it. Including that last list there.
I could add to my husband’s list for today: brings me only the inside of the crockpot when I asked him to bring the crockpot to a cook-out at work. Hello!? WHO DOES THAT? When I said bring the crockpot, I meant the WHOLE CROCKPOT! HOW Am I supposed to keep the food WARM????! OK. That’s enough. I told him I was going to let it go. I MUST let it go. Really. I need therapy.
I thought it was sweet that my husband laughed at what he thinks of as my quaint wee obsessions. Then he taught the kids to laugh at them. Now they all gang up on me to wind me up. For example, I foolishly confessed one day that I like the toilet roll to hang with the paper hanging down the outside. I always reckon it’s easier to grab that way. Now they turn it around to face the wall, just to mess with me. My husband watched the film Sleeping With the Enemy and looked at me and laughed when he saw the guy arranging the towels to hang level with each other and turning food tins around till the labels all faced the same way. Maybe if he thinks I’m that crazy, he shouldn’t sleep so soundly…
janices last blog post..Rapt Attention,Gifts and Rain
I’ll have to send hubby over to read your list. Number 4 is exactly what would end up on my list of annoyances and his rebuttal would be identical! As for the cake, I’m with you on this one. My husband is always trying to give his always-hungry, eat-too-much (but otherwise quite lovely) friends our “extra” candy, cake, etc. Hello? It’s not extra if we’re going to eat it!
Christys last blog post..What a Difference a Day Makes
My wife and I are almost perfectly matched with respect to the clutter that we leave around. The difference, when she decides to declutter, is that she just puts things ‘away’ in the closest possible place. Losses this year:
1. Pair of suit pants that were folded up with towels. Cost: $400.00 to buy new suit when needed plus approximately two hours of searching (pants found two months after meeting that required suit.
2. iPhone headphones. Gone forever.
3. Workout headphones. Gone forever.
4. iPhone armband: Gone forever.
Today I found a letter opener that I’ve been looking for in the bottom of my sock drawer.
On a serious note, I’ve begged and pleaded to this to stop. I spend at least an hour a week looking for mystuff in every conceivable drawer. I’ve even taken to putting a tupperware bin at the base of the basement steps that she can put everything she wants gone into, so I just have one place to look. Plus, I’ve replaced many ‘lost’ items, only to find them in the utensil drawer.
Any ideas?
P.S. We have over 50 kitchen towels, only two hanging at a time. My favorite one, the one that is buttoned to the fridge door, so you can’t just take it off. You can presumably wipe your hands on it, after washing them, across the kitchen.
Oh, women.
HA! I could only WISH my husband were “that bad”
- he leaves dirty clothes in every room of our apartment- not kidding- even the kitchen.
- leaves water glasses on the floor instead of the side tables to be kicked over by me all the time
- is SO lazy God forbid he make two trips from the car to the house causing (but not limited to): a ripped soda box that broke most of the cans and several dropped and broken gallons of milk
- will NOT wear a single item of clothing twice w/o washing and I will not wash every night so he does laundry EVERY day- but just one outfit
- despite doing laundry every day has a closet full of stinky mildewy towels becasue he uses them once and throws them into the bottom of his closet wet
I could go on and on but he is pretty mugh the best guy ever because
- he cooks
- he makes me laugh everyday
- he thinks I am really great
- he supports everything I do
- he loves my family so much (more than I do some days) and they adore him
My wife is such a pain, she is always moaning when I spend money on anything or heaven forbid on my family but when she spends loads on her family nothing is ever said…her family are so ungrateful and dirty and backwards…they are embarassing…and she shouts and nags everyday if she doesn’t get her way…I feel I should beat her black and blue somedays…but I wasn’t raised like that and am above that – but she is the most provoking person I know…no wonder I have blood-pressure issues…trying to hold down a job…she is no support…I think I am going to have an affair…arrgghhh!!!