Blogger Dad: Friend of the Handicapped
I was in a grocery store last night when I got stuck behind an older man riding one of those electronic riding carts. No doubt you’ve seen the carts I’m talking about. Stores provide them for the handicapped, extremely obese and for people who are just plain curious how best to replicate the fun of traffic jams in grocery store aisles.
Now, I’m not about to go bagging on the handicapped or anything. I understand that some people legitimately need these carts and my brief inconvenience is nothing compared to their everyday inconveniences.
(Obligatory – I’m not a jerk explanation) In fact, I often (okay, maybe twice in the past year) help people in their mechanical carts when they need to reach out-of-reach items. Being six foot four, I am used to assisting people who ask for help reaching the high shelves. Sometimes, I think I should wear a shirt to grocery stores that reads: “Yes, I’ll get that for you.”
But back to the issue here.
There is a matter of etiquette when it comes to dealing with a handicapped person. People want to be treated as equals. While you might need to make special accommodations to help a handicapped person, I would guess that most probably don’t want any attention called to their handicap or to be treated any differently beyond whatever is necessary.
However, in efforts of being polite, might we also offend?
So here’s the situation as it played out last night.
I was behind what I can only describe as the slowest cart I’ve ever been behind. It was being driven by an otherwise lively looking, well-dressed man in his late 50s or so. We were on our way out of the store and slowly approaching the exit doors. We were about 40 yards from being outside the store (it’s a rather long exit area with two sets of doors), and he was in no rush. It seemed almost as if he was taunting everyone behind him by barely …… moving ……. at ………all.
I could easily have gone around the guy. In fact, I oftentimes find myself behind people who decide that the exit is the perfect place to stop and look over their receipts, while they block anyone else from leaving. I always race around these idiots. But this situation was different. This guy, for whatever reason, was going slow, but probably not intentionally to be an insensitive jerk.
I didn’t want to be rude and cut in front of this guy, even though there was no way on Earth I would impede his progress, even if I jumped in front of him and stopped to tie my shoes before moving out of the way. No, I wouldn’t have been really cutting him off, but at the same time, I didn’t want to make him feel bad for blocking people’s progress.
Also, I didn’t want to be seen by others as the guy cutting off the handicapped dude just to make sure my cookies and cream ice cream didn’t melt.
“Hey, wasn’t that David Blogger Dad Wright? Look, he just jumped in front of a handicapped guy! What a jerk!”
But then I wondered, am I being rude by NOT cutting him off?
Hear me out.
I am, essentially, treating this guy differently by not getting in front of him. Is that not rude? Would it have been kinder and more sensitive of me to simply cut in front of him? I mean, I would have cut in front of anybody else going that slow, unless I saw that they had a problem or something. I was treating him differently simply because of his handicap, right?
Rather than jump in front of him, I did the “polite thing” and slowly walked behind him as if I were auditioning for a role as a giant tortoise.
Other people began to get caught up in the line. A woman behind me gave me a look and an uncomfortable smile. We made our way out through the first doors and had one more set to get through. However, and I swear I am not making this up, his cart got stuck over the slight rise in the exit. I think the lady behind me began to cry.
I asked the guy if he’d like some help, thinking maybe I could help push his cart over the hump. The woman behind me echoed the offer. He simply looked back at both of us, and shot us a rude look!
Then he stood up, walked with an amazing speed and agility to the front of his cart and pulled it up and over the hump, and then sat back down and s-l-o-w-l-y rolled out, never once looking back at the people who offered to help or the line of thousands who were waiting to get out.
I felt like I was being featured on some hidden camera comedy show. And now, as I write this, I am realizing just how much I over-analyze every little thing in my life. Man, I must be a joy to live with.
So, what would you do in the same situation?
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12 Responses to “Blogger Dad: Friend of the Handicapped”
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I would have walked around him in the first place. I don’t think that handicapped people feel as bad about being cut off as they might about a line forming behind them. Both are reminders of their limited capability, but the line is going to draw more attention as a group of people can’t be missed like one person going around someone’s cart.
I wouldn’t make too much of the getting up and walking to the front of the cart. A lot of back problems are only an issue when you walk for a long period of time. They make activities which require sustained activity impossible, but short actions aren’t really an issue. I should know as I have had this sort of problem for years. Walking around a store for 10 minutes is excruciating by the end, but lifting up a loaded laundry basket and carrying it across the room isn’t a problem. Of course, we don’t have carts in Japan where I’m currently living, so it’s pretty much a grit your teeth and deal with it sort of thing.
Orchid64´s last blog ..Will Miss #83 – gift giving customs
I would TOTALLY pass him! Unless there wasn’t really room & I’d have to shove him out of my way. I only do that to the folks who are upright – & small children. My husband follows me in the store – excuse her, excuse her, she’s on her period… I’m kind of rude.
That said, my husband sometimes uses a cane & is amazed at the number of people who are rude to the point of almost running him over. Not that many folks out there who are considerate anymore I guess.
The Bug´s last blog ..Miscellanea
I would probably have gone around him, though it’s hard to say for sure.
Not exactly the same, but one time I was in a store where someone was wheeling around in one of those things until all of a sudden, as if they were bored with the adventure, they just got up, walked off and abandoned the motor cart in the middle of the aisle! Crazy.
Writer Dad´s last blog ..I’m Grateful For Thanksgiving
I would have gone around him a while back, but had I toughed it out from compassion/and or embarrassment then seen him walk sprightly out, it would not have been in my nature to keep my mouth shut. I probably would have said something like, “wow, those carts sure save wear and tear on shoes, don’t they? Too bad they aren’t even as fast as the autopia cars in disneyland!”
Well this goes into my pile of future posts on Before I had Kids. After having almost the same exact thing happen to me years ago, I started to go around unless there was a problem, like you said. I would just smile and pass by, treating the handicapped like I thought I would want to be treated, capable of getting out of the store.
Now, with my daughter, I am teaching patience and compassion and I am not sure she has the refined skills I do (*chuckle*) in determining when to walk around, when to offer help and when to suck it up and wait. So we just suck it up and wait. But it can get akward because I taught her a song about patience. And she sings it. Loudly and Proudly. Which might make the tortoise uncomfortable.
Crap. Now I don’t know what to do again.
p.s. Wish I could cartoon my life experiences. Priceless! I am trying to draw a circus tent for my blog and it is taking weeks!
Brittany at Mommy Words´s last blog ..The Belly is Comfy and Warm
Madge: You know you don’t have to write “Sean’s Mom” every time you leave a comment! The Autopia comment did make me laugh out loud though, so good job.
Writer Dad´s last blog ..Eminem First, Death Star Second
Orchid 64 – Thank you. From now on, I’ll cut everyone off equally!
The Bug – Remind me to take you shopping NEXT Black Friday.
Writer Dad – I’ve seen lots of teenagers using them, just to goof around, laughing and bumping into things on purpose. Annoys the crap outta me and makes me feel just a bit more like a grumpy old man even though I’m still in my 30s.
Margaret – LOL.
Brittany – LOL, I’d like to hear the patience song! I could probably use it, myself. As for the cartoon, I am available for hire
Providing my behavior would not exacerbate the less able-bodied soul’s troubles, I would treat them as I would anyone else – which, in this case, would likely be a polite “Excuse me, sugar” as I passed by. Unless people are queued up for a purpose, there’s no reason for faster traffic not to pass as needed.
I should think that a line-up of impatient, sighing, foot-shuffling people would be far worse than an offer of assistance or being gone around…but then, if I have to check my receipt or any other thing that may impede the flow of traffic in the slightest, I’ll find a quiet corner to do so.
Bless your heart for your patience!
Shade and Sweetwater,
K (who has also found herself reaching things down from the higher shelves for people…because apparently 5′ 10″ passes for tall around here)
Kyddryn´s last blog ..From Horizontal to Vertical
This seems like a Tim Conway sketch from the Carol Burnett Show….I think you were remarkably calm and what better revenge than to write a blog post and help others see the humor and pathos in this little drama! My last trip to the grocery store a woman kept running her motorized cart into the back of my heel…I finally turned around and said “PASS ME” in a not very nice voice….and I got out of the way….and she said “That is what I wanted in the first place!” I thought of another post of yours and replied rather quickly for me, ” it is time to use your words not your cart”
In hindsight, I should have made her pay for the box of bandages…as my heel was bleeding by the time I got home and I see the cart also ripped a hole in my good slacks…some people are handicapped all the way through.
Patricia´s last blog ..Tripping and Reading the Light Fantastic
Dude have some respect.. this is so off..I’m totally joking.
This is hilarious and has happened to me many a time…
Glad you finally got out of the store!
haha, this is funny! my best friend is handicaped and has started using the stores power chairs instead of using her push wheelchair. only, we have the oppisite problem….she is out of control! need for speed that runs over anything and everyone in her way. i am the poor sap that follows behind her picking up the people and peices she has knocked down. its the only thing that she can do “fast” and she lloooveess it, way too much if you ask me and the people that fall down in her reckless path.
more serously, my job is also working with the disabled, so spending so much time around handicap people, i have beocme a little numb to it. no special treatment. and honestly, i think they respect me more for it. love the blog!
Mandy – Thank you. It’s good to know I should treat handicapped people the same. The kid gloves are off – if they’re in my way, they’re fair game! And when people yell at me, I’ll explain how I would be insensitive NOT TO run them down!