Collective Inkwell, a contest and a haircut
Collective Inkwell went live on Monday! Thanks to everyone who stopped by for the opening day post. We’ve got some exciting stuff lined up including interviews with some awesome people that I’m psyched to have lined up. This site is truly going to be a treat for anyone with creative interests.
Are you a writer?
Collective Inkwell will be kicking off its first contest later today (Wednesday), open to bloggers who like writing fiction. The grand prize will be all kinds of awesome for those wanting to take their blog to the next level.
The haircut story
I got a bad haircut today.
Not just a bad haircut, but maybe the WORST HAIRCUT EVER! The kind you’d see from a blind and mentally slow guy who got hold of the scissors when nobody was looking and decided to give himself a new style. Except, I paid for this one.
The back story: I told my wife that I needed to get a haircut today. My hair is getting long. And while it looks awesomely cool when its long, it looks horrible in that in-between short and long stage. And I just haven’t had the patience to grow it back out. While most guys have probably stopped reading by now, I’m sure the women know what I’m talking about.
My wife took issue with me wanting to get my hair cut.
“I haven’t had my hair done in months,” she said, “but you’ve had two haircuts.”
Reason – because we’ve been watching our money very carefully.
Of course MY haircuts are a whole lot cheaper than hers – though I wasn’t about to mention that! I might be dumb enough to post it on my blog, but not dumb enough to say it in person. Sorry, honey!
Fact is, she works hard while I am attempting to make a few different things come together, so she certainly deserves to get her hair done and feel all pretty and stuff. She is the best wife a guy could ask for and believe me, I feel horrible that our lifestyle has downgraded in the past year.
I told her to make an appointment and get her hair done. I hadn’t realized how long it had been.
A little while later, she told me to go ahead and get my hair cut. Our son’s second birthday is this weekend and we’re going to have people over and I ought not look like a Wolf Man.
Rather than go to my usual place, which is $14 plus tip, she asked me to go to That Place.
You know the place I’m talking about. THAT PLACE. The one with a GIANT $7 HAIRCUTS sign in the window. The place where the staff boasts hair styles you haven’t seen since the 80′s – Mall Hair.
Yeah, That Place.
I didn’t complain. It IS only hair after all, and what’s the worse they can do?
I arrived just as the small shop’s two proprietors finished slamming back bottles of Jack Daniels. Okay, maybe not. Maybe.
I asked if I could get a hair cut.
The older of the two woman (both in their 40′s) looked at the clock – it was 10 minutes before they closed – and she asked the younger, “Can you cut his hair in three minutes?”
Oh God.
They battled over who would have to cut my hair, being so close to closing time and all, and the older woman was left holding the scissors. She asked what kind of cut I wanted.
Scared, I said, “just a trim.”
She proceeded to get a bowl from the counter, placed it around my head and snipped away.
Okay, not really, but if you saw my hair, you would totally think that.
Meanwhile, the younger and more overweight of the two, was complaining to us about how women are all “bitches” and they don’t know how to tip and how the shop would have to start charging “these bitches” more.
A delicate flower of femininity
“They F*#cked themselves,” the woman said as she doused herself in enough perfume to mask the scent of the most decayed of corpses. She then made plans to go next door and molest the guy who worked there. She dropped the F bomb a few more times, talking about bitchy women and complained about how cell phones were “F*#king things up for men because they can’t cheat any more because their bitches are always calling them and checking in on them.”
I guess this was putting a cramp in her dating life.
Did I mention that this was my first time getting my hair cut here?
Total haircut time: 8 minutes.
A good scissor cut should not take eight minutes!
I’ve been to enough real salons (the kind which charge you enough to wonder if the price included an erotic massage) to know that a decent haircut takes time to do right. I’ve had stylists take 40 minutes plus to do my hair. And I always tip them well for their time.
As the woman finished my haircut, she said, “you look great” over and over as if repeating it would make it true, or at least make me believe it.
I was friendly, paid my bill, tipped her and left.
I got home and…
my wife laughed.
And laughed.
“That looks…,” she struggled to find the right words. There were no words to describe THIS.
She suggested going back and having them fix it tomorrow. I told her that I wouldn’t go back there again unless asked by law enforcement deputies to point out the suspects.
“Well, go to your place,” she said, “just get it fixed.”
No, that would defeat the purpose of saving money. I’m not going there.
“You can’t look like that for the party,” she said.
Wanna bet?
“I got this haircut and I’m gonna keep it, no matter how bad it looks. And I’m gonna let everyone know you sent me to That Place.”
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20 Responses to “Collective Inkwell, a contest and a haircut”
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Photos please
Marc – WelshScribes last blog post..A Spiritual Revolution
Marc – I prefer to leave the disastrous qualities of the haircut to the imagination. You could try GoogleEarth and see if you can catch me walking around.
What I can’t understand is why, when you looked like Wolf Man, would your wife ever let you get your hair cut in the first place?! But there again, as Marc above knows, there are a few of us over at his place who have a quiet fondness for Wolverine…
The haircut story is hilarious.
What makes it even better is that I recently got the worst haircut ever, with one exception.
When I was a kid back in the 50s — that’s right, the 1950s –, my mom decided to save money by giving me haircuts. She bought a set of cheap electric hair clipper and proceeded to cut hair with the trimmers pointy side pointing into my head. It was painful, I’m sure I squirmed, and the haircut turned out awful. To rectify it, I ended up with a Mohawk haircut long before Punk was popular. It wasn’t too long before I got my regular buzz cut — by a real barber. Mom never — ever — tried to cut my hair again.
On the recent haircut, I really thought I was lucking out. I got to the barbershop just he was finishing up a customer and there was no one waiting in line. While he was cutting, we talked about various things, but all I really remember was talking about our travel plans — I had managed to steer clear of politics, hunting, and religion.
When I got home, it seemed a little shorter than I had wanted, but not so much that I minded. Later, though I noticed it was significantly shorter and that one side was a little shorter than the other.
The bad thing about it is that it is short enough now that it won’t lay down right in the morning unless I wet it down — and I haven’t had that problem since I was a teenager.
I guess I was a little surprised. It’s not like I was going to a new guy. I’ve been using this barbershop for over 25 years. I started going there when his late father was still working there. In all of that time, I can only think of two times that I’ve gotten my hair cut anywhere else and both times it was when we were traveling, back in my old home town where my mom gave me that bad hair cut so very long ago.
Mike Goads last blog post..Eyes of the Great Depression 024
Hello. PNHW here. Thank you dear husband for saying I was the best wife a guy could ask for.
The haircut is truly awful! I cannot look at BloggerDad without breaking into giggles. It’s just not right to give a grown man (or anyone) such a haircut and pass it off as looking “great”. The scenario smacked of “Candid Camera” or “Howie Do It” mouth-open-can’t-believe-this-is-really-happening-to-me horror. This haircut WILL be salvaged by week’s end!
I got the reader’s digest version in an email last night, but nothing compared to the laugh out freaking loud hysteria of this post. WOW, was that funny. I’m with Marc too, we NEED a photo!
P.S. It is wonderful to see you here, Perfect Non Hormonal Wife.
Writer Dads last blog post..Welcome to the Inkwell
I agree. Pictures to accompany the story are essential! LOL
John Taylors last blog post..Simple Eyetest For Conficker Virus
Yes, now that your better half has chimed in we demand photos. Especially ones of where it has been fixed and you are balder than E ever was
I think that you should photoshop a picture and put it on a popsicle stick and carry it around at the party, insisting that the invitation said it was a masquerade ball and indeed NOT a birthday party. You should so do it…
Sals last blog post..Relationships. Matter.
HIGHlarious. This post released enough happy endorphins to get me through until Sean cracks a nut and a funny. I am THAT mom that cuts the children’s hair and shudder…Sean’s. Yup, that explains it. It is immaterial how much I want to understand the hair, the savior at the beginning of the morning is the the beauty of $1.00 store HAIR GEL to “will” the hair where it needs to be. A while back Sean went to THAT hair place with the magical $7 haircut. When his mom came over to dinner she asked if a dog chewed on his hair. Alas the validation a daughter-n-law needs. I can give a good haircut.
cindys last blog post..Being Honest Prevents Roadblocks
I once went to a cheap place only to find taht a crazy old black lady was cutting hair there. She insisted I call her grandma as she proceeded to tell my her life story. She told me that the government was using satellites to opress black people, that the city water system was a scam and all sorts of other gems. I was scared. I never came back.
Otter Thomass last blog post..The Bed Bugs Are Back
Mike – That’s funny! Maybe your regular barber was drunk? Or it’s time to find a new place?
My wife – HA! I knew you couldn’t resist. You’ll have to tie me down!
Writer Dad – I’m always sure that my misery is good for a laugh or two. And again, NO photos!
Marc – Fortunately, there’s no paparazzi where I live, so you’re outta luck.
Sal – LOL! Cool, I’ll go as Iron Man.
Cindy – LOL. What hair gel doesn’t fix, Elmer’s Glue WILL.
Otter Thomas – Now THAT sounds like a cool place to get your hair cut. Provided she doesn’t think you an government plant and drive a pair of scissors into the back of your skull.
I think it’s most unfair that you won’t show us a picture. What about one from the back, no face? Not quite as shaming? Or how about one of the two delightful stylists?Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?
I was recently encouraged by my four year old daughter to trim my one year old son’s hair.
I am glad he’s not talking much or he’d be saying unflattering things about my barbershop skills. I think I’ll cough up the $14 next time.
motherships last blog post..Inspiration Station
I’m so glad I’m not the only person to struggle over the concept of paying serious coin for a haircut. But alas, I think your frugality got the better of you. Perhaps a lesson here…for all of us.
Jeb Dickersons last blog post..Barriers
@Cindy I’ve seen Sean’s hair as a teenager. All I can say is; you are brave
@PNHW How much do you want for a picture of Dave and his new haircut?
Blogger Dad – Why would I want to find a new barber? Percentage wise, he’s got an excellent average. Besides, it’s only $10 in his shop. Of course, you never know about his customers. One of the shop’s semi-regular customers was R. Gene Simmons, before he was arrested, convicted, and sent to death row.
Mike Goads last blog post..Wednesday Weigh-In for April 15, 2009
Ah so sorry you got an awful cut. As a hairstylist I say it should take at least 45 min to do a nice mens cut. Oh and yeah I charge for it
Most of the people working at “That Place” just got out of beauty school. Actually you might have gotten a better cut from a beauty school student.
Shareenas last blog post..Sulfates the new BPA?
This post was so funny it made me both cry and pee my pants! LOL And I think the funniest part is that it is true.
Now, for the love of God, go to your place before the party and get your haircut. Someone will be taking pictures and this sounds like something you don’t want to remember.
Jennifers last blog post..Top Ten Thursday
Wow funny stuff. I got an awful haircut this week too…for $50 because I am going to take a state exam next week and I wanted to look my best for the orals….I look awful…I did not get the giggle reproof…I got “well, its always 2 weeks between a bad and a good haircut.”
My fellow got a haircut too…he looks great….I already look weird (Thank goodness the growth is off my lip) but I wish I could laugh….
Thank you for this post…
Does it look like Moe of the three stooges?
Patricias last blog post..Under Wear