Even MORE Rejected Children’s Books
Since you asked for it, all two of you, here are even more children’s books I’ve submitted along with a brief description of each title.
For some reason, publishers keep rejecting them.
God Loves Everyone… But You
People have been using religion for thousands of years to manipulate others, so why shouldn’t you?
Tell your child that he must earn God’s love and can start by cleaning up his room, washing your car, and whatever else you can think of!
Does your child throw temper tantrums?
Well, nothing puts an end to tantrums like threats of eternal damnation!
Animals are our Friends Animals are our Food
Children love animals!
They’re cute, cuddly and tasty. The animals, not the children. So, why not show your kids where their meals really come from?
This lovely My First Pop Up book shows kids the exciting journey that animals take from their crowded cages to the slaughterhouse to your dinner plate, all told in full, glorious Pop Up Gory Glory!
Everybody Dies and So Will You
It’s tough when a loved one dies. Especially when it’s someone close to your child. What better way to help you child through the grieving process than this lovely book which explains that eventually we all die and rot while worms eat our flesh and guts?
And for those who are new to the site, here are some of the previously rejected books (with new commentary for each book).
Bob: the Bear Who Didn’t Give a F*@k! – a story for kids -
We all remember that special magical book we had as a child, full of whimsy, love and fantastical journeys with memorable characters. This book is kind of like that book. Only not.
Clifford Takes a Dump
Why this book was rejected is beyond me! It stars a beloved children’s character and teaches the importance of taking care of your pet and not letting your dog crap all over your neighbor’s lawn even though your neighbor never did anything to you and even lets you borrow eggs and milk and other groceries because you can’t ever freaking remember to get your own damned groceries, all so you can feed your bratty kids who also like to destroy lawns and make all kinds of noise way too early in the morning when normal people are freaking trying to sleep!
The Story of Poo From Your Belly to the Toilet All the way to Congress!
This story has the bonus of not only explaining bodily functions to children, but also explains how we end up with the government we have.
Bi-Curious George at the Drag Show
Oh, that crazy George! What will he do next? In this installment of the revered children’s classic, George enters a drag show and runs into the Man in the Yellow Hat. Hilarity ensues!
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27 Responses to “Even MORE Rejected Children’s Books”
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Bicurious George is ace, and couldn’t be more PC.
I’m all for the everyone dies book too, but may have put the grim reaper in a baseball cap.
SingleParentDads last blog post..My Turn
I want them all
sooo funny!
best wishes
Ribbon
I almost just peed my pants… and I’m lying in my bed. So thanks for those! My personal favorite was Everybody Dies And So Will You. Very important lesson, there.
Heathers last blog post..Love Thursday
I’m not joking in the least when I say my daughter would love, “Animals are our friends, Animals are our food.” She is both a total animal lover and a hardcore carnivore. She even likes to sing about what she’s eating while she’s mowing on the flesh.
Writer Dads last blog post..Why LOST is the Best Television Show Ever
Hahaha! I would totally buy those.
Jens last blog post..the post where my head spins around and smoke comes out my ears
Okay. I’m quitting blogging now. How on earth can I compete with that brilliance!?
Just kidding. This ranks as one of my all-time favorite posts. I’d buy every one.
What is wrong with these publishers? Can’t they see quality content when it stares them in the face? Or at least gobs of revenue?
I tip my hat to your awesomeness, again!
Mr. Nuggetss last blog post..Benny the Race Car
I LOVE Bi-Curious George!!
I will send you my address and you can post this to me in exchange for a playstation!!
Sure to be a collectors item one day
Claire Birchers last blog post..Memories
I’m crying here. I thought George was totally gay already.
Betsy Wuebkers last blog post..I LOVE YOU MORE THAN EVER
Simply Hilarious BloggerDad! Still laughing.
James (Seattledad)s last blog post..A Few Miles West of Expected
I am laughing so loudly, I can almost not type….I was working on the meme thingy…and thought I would check out your new post…heeheehheehaw
Patricias last blog post..Summer Reading: Thin is the New Happy ~By Valerie Frankel
I can’t for the life of me imagine why a publisher would reject any of these magnificent books. I’d buy all of them in a snap.
I think this post just made my day.
Lady Mamas last blog post..You say tomayto, I say tomahto
Yours is the only blog that makes me shake my head from side to side with while laugh-snorting out loud! If you have any more like these, compile them all into an ebook and I swear I’ll buy copies to send to my friends. Breath of fresh air, Dave, breath of fresh air!
janices last blog post..Poetry, Wedding Vows and Gift Ideas for Loved Ones
I love your sense of humor….ahahahaha
I bought “Good Familys Don’t” by Roger Munch. It’s a funny kid’s book about farting so where do I buy these books? If publishers aren’t interested then try on demand self-publishing. You’re readers are waiting…ahahahahaha Clifford takes a dump..OMG….ahahahaha
Lizs last blog post..The Nitty Gritty of Running a Freelance Business: 19 Posts You Need to Read
As a good Christian girl, I’m voting for “God Loves Everyone… But You.” Somehow, it appeals to the Lutheran guilt. (And the need to bribe my child to help around here.)
That being said, I LOVE “Bi-Curious George!”
RC – Rambling Along…s last blog post..Fallen hero
My hubby’s mother, to get the kids to stop fighting, would cry to them that because they didn’t get along, SHE was going to go to hell for being a bad mother. “Do you want ME to go to hell?”
GreenJellos last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
That just made my Friday.
Noble Savages last blog post..Blogs I love
I like that these books tell it like it is. I’m SO SICK of all of those other sissy children’s books that coddle kids. America’s children NEED to be prepared for the real world, and your books will do exactly that!
megans last blog post..How to know if your pregnant [sic] and other useful information
You don’t know how much I needed a good laugh this morning! It’s always good to stumble upon blogs with some substance.
Definitely keep me updated when Bi-Curious George launches!
Freeking hilarious
Surfer Jays last blog post..Of Cat Poop, Tupperware, And Me
You know it never occurred to me the big problems that would result from having such a BIG dog.
Kim Woodbridges last blog post..Memories for Memorial Day
I so want to show my daughter Animals are our Friends. Animals are our Food. Distractingly fun and funny.
cindys last blog post..Mothers Who…
I love them, brilliant… if you can’t get a publisher go the ebook route! ha!
This is one of the funniest things I have seen online since that e-mail joke about kids drawings went around – the one with the hairy fire engine. Gah, I can’t find it. Anyway, thanks for making me laugh – at publishing pitches, parenting and childhood all in one glorious bundle.
Emma Newman´s last blog ..Is there an artistic double standard?
LOL. All of them better than Madonna’s children’s book. Really. I just read it. I’d never thought I’d say this but she should do more movies instead.
David´s last blog ..Celebrity Children’s Books
This entry made my day! It’s a stress buster for the young at heart!
Toni Tralala´s last blog ..Satisfying Desserts