Remember when music used to come primarily on GIANT black circle things called record albums? Music purists will argue for years whether albums or compact discs are better. However, nobody can dispute that when it comes to cover art, the album is king!
While I don’t have a turntable, I still have a number of LP’s simply because of their cover art. One of my favorites – the debut Beastie Boys album. But for every awesome album cover, there were also tons which should never have seen the light of day, let alone prime real estate on record store shelves.
Below are some examples from the Ft. Lauderdale/Sun-Sentinel’s list of The 50 Worst Album Covers. Rather than take the easy way out and just post the pictures, which are funny enough on their own, I’ve also added some commentary for each of the albums. Enjoy!
The Least sexy album cover of all time goes to…
Joyce. Wow. With Slim Goodbody’s (who also made the list) hairstyle and clothes borrowed from Mork from Ork, it boggles the mind that Joyce didn’t catch on and become JOYCE! I wonder how many children were made while their parents listened to this album. I’m pretty sure I could get a government grant to do some psychological testing on said children.
From the ‘Dateline:To Catch a Predator’ Series by Time/Life Music…
While Julie’s parents taught her right from wrong, they never could’ve prepared her for the sexy charm of John Bult and his hat/beard/sportsjacket/tufts of reddish brown chesthair peaking out from an open collared shirt combo.
Kids, this is why you shouldn’t do LSD
Remember that “this is your brain on drugs” Public Service Announcement starring uber-cute actress Rachel Leigh Cook? I’m not sure how well that campaign did, but if you ask me, a far better anti-drug campaign would have been this album cover with the message “DRUGS ARE GROOVY”. There is NO way kids would touch drugs after seeing this!
Before there was emo, there was Freddie Gage
The only way this album title would’ve been cooler if it was “All my friends are dead… and I killed them.”
And the award for ‘Family Music’ LP looking most like a Satanic record goes to…
From the evil looking blood red font on black background to the menacing Pirate Dad, this album cover scared the crap out of a generation of children. I’m guessing that this was the first and last record released on Harbor Records Lil Matey children’s music label.
ET phone home… Rick James called and he wants his clothes back
Record Label Marketing genius #1: “Hey, I’ve got an idea, let’s develop a ‘talent’ around some of this E.T. The Extra Terrestrial movie buzz!”
Marketing genius #2: “Hmm, I dunno. E.T. was three years ago! If only there was only some way we could freshen it up. What’s big now? Oooh, I’ve got an idea. Now stay with me, I’m gonna’ think a bit outside the box, but how about we COMBINE America’s love for the lovable E.T. with their love for Tina Turner in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome?”
Marketing genius #1: “GENIUS! You’ll make Senior VP in no time!”
And last but not least … Ken
The first album without a single song on it.
Check out the whole list here. Thanks to my buddy and former editor, Jason for turning me on to the list.
So, what are your favorite or least favorite album (or CD) covers?
Thanks to all the new readers who stopped by this week. I’m going to check out each of your blogs within the next few days.
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But in the name of God – precisely *what* sort of request can Ken fulfill?
I knew there were reasons I didn’t want to own LPs…
Matthew Drydens last blog post..My Meme(me?)
I was an utter Duranie, so it would have to be my signed copy of their debut album Planet Earth.
The Freddie Gage cover is brilliant! Look at that photo!
Taras last blog post..Extreme parenting. Or is it just me?
*crying*
Cant; type,cryinf.
Hahahashshsjajhashshaa aaaaaaaa
Back latyre whne ican tyope………….
Dave Fowlers last blog post..Women’s Work: The Hardest Work I’ve Ever Done
ok, I can not think of an album b/c I am too busy laughing my ass off. This was great.
Jen, buried with childrens last blog post..The Toy Bin with the Upset Stomach
Tim – judging from that sexy haircut and mustache, I would say *any* request you have.
Matthew – Well, that and the evil voices you heard when you played Kathie Lee Gifford’s Christmas album backwards.
Tara – I agree. I would likely buy Freddie’s album if I saw it in the store. Freddie Gage is hardcore.
Dave – Don’t cry, Dave. Ken will sing you a lullaby.
Jen – Thanks. I think this has been my favorite Friday Funnies yet.
That Joyce cover might be the most wilting thing I’ve ever seen.
LOL! This is a great lineup.
Writer Dad – you know, I was trying to think of a polite way of saying the exact same thing! It is VERY lilting. I hope I didn’t ruin your Friday night plans. If so, send me apologies to Mrs. Writer Dad.
Rosie – The only thing that would’ve made it better is if I had actual mp3’s from these albums!
Blogger Dad,
Joyce is gorgeous and I’ll fight you for her. Don’t you be looking at my chick with your filthy lustful eyes. She’s mine.
I don’t know about you but I’m really worried about John Bult. Who is Julie? Is she his daughter? Why is he looking at her that way? Why has he taken his daughter to a bar at sixteen years old? If it’s not his daughter, is it his girlfriend? And if it is I’d be tempted to smash his face in for being a perverted cradle snatcher, because unless he just met her the day she turned sixteen, he’s been dating her while she was fifteen. Either way John Bult is NOT a winner in my book.
This is all to disturbing. Look at the expression on Superman’s face. You know full well he’s making love to the big hair! It’s just wrong!
“All my friends are dead… and I killed them.” – Waaaaaaaaaa Hahahahahaha. Oh hell, I nearly fell off my chair laughing.
As for anchors away – all you need to do is add a ‘W’ somewhere in the title and that’s exactly what I’d tell them.
Listen BD, I’m sorry but the guy on the ET cover looks like he’s cut the pockets out of his trousers and he’s not too happy with what he’s found. And whatever you do, don’t shake his hand!
Ken. Well Ken has charisma by the bucket load. That dude is all man. Or is he all Mannequin, it’s hard to tell.
You’ve pulled out all the stops with this one my friend. Totally hilarious.
Dave Fowlers last blog post..Women’s Work: The Hardest Work I’ve Ever Done
Dave – LOL! Thanks for making me laugh my butt off. Awesome! As for Ken, he kinda’ looks like a character from the UK show, Life on Mars.
This has been my favorite post to do, I think. I like ‘found’ comedy and adding a bit to it. Perhaps I’ll do a followup post next week. I have 43 album covers left, all of them comedy gold.
@Dave: Wow, the comment about Ken just made my night. Thanks.
Matthew Drydens last blog post..My Meme(me?)
Oh brilliant – so funny. I think I kind of fancy in a weird retro way. Note to self: Must get my eyes checked.
(Oasis’ first album is a deffo fave for me…it was the wood floors in the photo I coveted at the time!)
Mom/Mums last blog post..Is it Me?
I meant to say, i kind of fancy Ken, in a weird retro way…
Mom/Mums last blog post..Is it Me?
Mom/Mum – You fancy Ken?! So, you’re the one! Although, Ken does look like he would fit right in with Oasis.
BloggerDads last blog post..Friday Funnies – Sept. 19 – The Albums Edition
Why Mom/Mum! Just WHY?
.
You know even when you’ve been married for 12 years, you can still learn something new about each other. Last night, whilst smooching with my wife, I discovered that she doesn’t like to be called Joyce.
Thanks Blogger Dad!
Thanks a bunch!
Dave Fowlers last blog post..Women’s Work: The Hardest Work I’ve Ever Done
Dave – LOL! You are making me pee my pants. At least your wife didn’t call you Ken. (mental note: must find Dave’s wife’s email)
LMAO. Don’t even think of putting the idea into my wife’s head, or soon you might hear your own saying, “Oooo John Bult, you’re sooo studly.”
Oh yeah baby!!! How’d ya them apples?! Huh?
btw I dare you to run a caption contest on what John Bult is saying to Julie. Actually, no. That’s far too risky. Don’t do it. DON’T DO IT!
Dave Fowlers last blog post..Women’s Work: The Hardest Work I’ve Ever Done
That first one — isn’t that Dustin Hoffman?
Dave – I took your advice… sorta, in today’s post.
feefifoto – Thanks for stopping by. LOL! That does look like Tootsie-era Dustin Hoffman. Though, I’d probably prefer Dustin.