From blogging newbie to pro in three months
“It doesnt matter what I say
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel that I’ll convey
Some inner truth of vast reflection”
- Blues Traveler
Tuesday was BloggerDad.com’s three month anniversary. I’ve learned A LOT during the past three months and what better way to celebrate an anniversary than with a gift? Don’t pay some blogging expert for their e-book to tell you how to get Stumbled or Dugg when I’ll tell you everything you need to know to go from blogging newbie to a full fledged BlogStar for FREE! Some may note that I’m far from a blogging pro, myself. But why should that stop me from telling YOU how to be?
People don’t actually read posts – they read subheads
In blogging, subheads are used to aid in quick digestion so readers can quickly scan a post without actually reading it and still know enough to easily feign sincerity in the comments.
Target your audience – write your posts to one reader
Common blogging wisdom says that you should write your posts with a single reader in mind. Many blogs use personal language such as “your” and “you” when referring to this reader. This adds for a conversational feel which makes your readers think that you care about them and would donate your kidney to them if given half the chance.
Some examples of personal writing:
- You won’t believe what happened this weekend.
- How was your weekend?
- Man, I had the worst explosive diarrhea! You should have seen it!
- How would you like to donate to my PayPal?
This sort of language is effective for creating a bond. I want to make my blog even MORE personal, though. I have decided to address all future posts to a named reader! I’ll pick a popular name which will guarantee at least a few million people will feel that much closer to me. What do you think, Steve?
Sure, the non-Steves may feel excluded, but given the voyeuristic tendencies of most people, they will likely want to read the blog even more if they think it’s just a personal conversation between you and I, Steve.
People love short posts
The shorter, the better. The ideal blog post contains 14 words. Anything more, then you’re just being self indulgent. Bloggers who post 650 word posts are just egomaniacal jerks.
Bloggers don’t take their own advice
See above.
People love pictures
If you insist on writing blog posts which run on for more than a paragraph, then you MUST, MUST, MUST mix things up, Steve. People do not want to see large blocks of text on the page. One way to break up ugly text is to use pictures. Pictures of cats are especially popular.
Another way to break up the text is to use lists.
People LOVE lists
It doesn’t even matter if the list is relevant to your post’s topic. Watch:
Words and terms which sound dirty but aren’t
- dangle
- boisenberries
- trickle
- analgesic
Even better than lists, are ORDERED lists! Nothing looks more important than a list with numbers. Including lists also increases the odds of your post being Stumbled or Dugg by 5,007%!
Things in my pockets
- paper towel to blow my nose
- pen – never leave house without it
- loose change
- a noodle which I picked up off the floor so my son wouldn’t eat it
- Oddly enough, a shopping list
It’s not what you say
It’s not what you say, but how you say it, Steve. If you can say it in italics, all the better!
While blogging is a visual medium, it doesn’t play by the same rules as traditional media. The most powerful of paragraphs in a book would be doomed in a blog where blocks of text are ignored in favor of eye pleasing tricks.
However, in a blog, anything can be made to seem important by simply using a different, heavier font.
For example take these sentences:
It was corduroy.
It was always corduroy.
Powerful stuff.
Always leave the reader wanting more
There is a fine line between writing an informative post and giving away all your information in one shot, Steve. You want your reader to come back for more. The best way to get them to come back for more is to
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17 Responses to “From blogging newbie to pro in three months”
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Oh BD, that is just brilliant!
All of that fabo advise AND I love the word dangle.
Wise wise words – you can so tell you used to work on a newspaper, where similar themes are used to pull readers in!
Taras last blog post..Hair today, gone tomorrow.
Man, I had the worst explosive diarrhea! You should have seen it!
Um, sorry, just not feeling the love with this one. *grin*
Urban Panthers last blog post..The struggle
Very good stuff here, and very practical. You are a newbie no more!
CK Lunchboxs last blog post..The Feds Get Involved – DC Urban Dad
Happy anniversary G. That was hysterical, though of course I only scanned. Quick question. Who is Steve, and what was he dangling on his corduroy?
Writer Dads last blog post..Redbook… An Excerpt
That’s a brilliant post – loads of great advice. That’s just fourteen words
notSupermums last blog post..Wednesday Weigh-in: Week One
Since I only scanned your subheads, I’d have to say this was a brilliant post.
GreenJellos last blog post..Morning Conversation
Dave, that was classic. I feel like I just got a lesson from a seasoned vet in the blogosphere. I must admit that I am a little disappointed in the post though. You forgot one of the most important parts, if you don’t know a word, make one up. I have seen the likes of Problogger do this numerous times. Apparently your 4th month aniversary blog will be even more honed. Keep up the good…
Sals last blog post..A Plague On Both Your Houses
Wow!!!
It summed up everything a blogger needs!
UrbanVoxs last blog post..WTH just happened????
This reminds me of short attention span…hey, look, a kitty with a hat on!!
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Kyddryns last blog post..Turnips and Carrots and Butter, Oh My!
Ok, I hope this was meant to be funny, because I snorted my way through it. you should make a template: Insert adjective here, insert three key points here, and BAM! you have a top-rated post!
BTW, were some of those stolen from my emails?
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..3 Steps to Improving Your Writing
Just in case it wasn’t obvious, this post was tongue in cheek – though there were some useful bits in there, Steve.
I actually started this post about two weeks into blogging. It was going to be a joke, here’s this guy who just started telling people what to do. However, I kept putting it off and hitting SAVE on the draft in WordPress. I was burned out last night from a hundred things going on and decided to polish this up and use it.
Tara – Thanks. You just like dangling participles.
Urban Panther – Well, it was written for Steve and he LOVES stories about explosive poo.
CK Lunchbox – HE LIVES!! A Clark siting! Thank you.
Writer Dad – Steve is my muse. I was going to call him Branch because he’s not quite as inspiring as Matthew’s Tree.
GreenJello – Thanks! Of course, it was brilliant! You have GREAT taste.
Sal – Thank you. That was all part of my plan to leave you wanting more. That, along with information on how to make millions using SEO keywords is my next post – sometime in 2012.
Kyddryn – I like kitties with hats.
Jamie – funny? Now, I’m offended. And the only part I stole from your emails was the explosive poo tip. You are ALWAYS going on about explosive poo!
Those are excellent points and you caught me red handed reading your subtitles. However your subtitles ended up making me read your whole post.
The point you made about using “You” in your post was good, I never really did that before. I will have to start using that tip. Thanks.
Orlunds last blog post..Friday’s Photo: Bath Time Fun
I’ve not ever once raising the size of my font. Perhaps I should, perhaps I should sensationalize my writing even more. Murder after murder isn’t cutting it anymore. Dammit.
Matthew Drydens last blog post..Who Are You?
Aw! You’ve graduated.
What a brilliant way to memorialize that event. Lovely post, so sarcastic, yet so true.
Jens last blog post..the great toy purge of 2008
I’m sorry I refuse to read this until you put it in an ebook and charge me somewhere between 7 and 15 dollars for it. Oh, that’s after knocking the price down from $49.99.
Dave Fowlers last blog post..Teaching My Children About Health, Fitness and Diet
Hi Dave – First, congratulations on your three month anniversary. I was laughing as I read this, and then realized how true it is. I love the part where you wrote, “In blogging, subheads are used to aid in quick digestion so readers can quickly scan a post without actually reading it and still know enough to easily feign sincerity in the comments.”. It made me realize that I need to do more of that as there have been times when I read a comment and said “What???”
The “Steve” reference was great, but it made me feel like I was eavesdropping. Till the next anniversary, Cheers!
Barbara Swafford – Blogging Without A Blogs last blog post..NBOTW – An Explorer Of Life
That was quite the good read. Nicely done.
To supplement the fact that people love lists, I wanted to call one out and add some items of my own.
“Words and terms which sound dirty but aren’t
dangle
boisenberries
trickle
analgesic”
I’ve found that the words ‘moist’ and ‘kumquat’ sound quite dirty. Now that I think of it, moist is a dirty word of sorts. It’s all about the context. Kumquats, on the other hand, are simply delicious.
Be well.