I’m fat.
There, it’s out there. I’m nearly 6 foot 4, weigh just shy of 350 pounds, and excess is slowly killing me.
But I’m far from alone.
Excess is killing millions of Americans. And I’m not just talking about diet here. Well, not in the traditional sense, anyway. Our gluttonous feast of excess extends beyond the plate. We also buy too much, own too much and owe too much. In short, we consume too much.
Whether it be a desire to keep up with the Joneses or our attempts to buy happiness in the form of Stuff, many of us overextend ourselves beyond what we can afford. We live in a consumer culture where we are bombarded with messages to consume.
“Are you unhappy? Buy this!”
“Can’t afford it? No problem.”
Credit card companies and banks made it painfully easy to buy more Stuff – whether we can afford it or not.
People who consume in excess, whether it be of food or ‘stuff’, share a common trait. They are attempting to fill a void in their lives. It should come as little surprise that many people who over consume in one area also over consume in others. We are caught up chasing temporary pleasures with little regard for long-term pain. Whether it be crushing debt or deadly obesity-related illnesses, what we enjoy has its price if we overindulge. Yet, so many continue, living in denial.
We can’t get enough. And it is killing us.
There is a great line in the movie The Fight Club which goes, “The things you own end up owning you.” One can easily substitute the word ‘own’ with ‘consume’.
I have only recently realized how closely the two areas of consumption in my life were connected.
Before I married a frugal woman six years ago, I wasted a lot of money in attempt to fill a void in my life. I grew up in a middle class family, struggling to get by. While many kids around me had all the latest toys, clothes, and goodies, my brother and I made do with less. For one, we couldn’t afford the excesses of other families. For two, my parents are frugal, and know how to spend within their limits. I was miserable. A “poor” (comparatively) kid living among wealthy families. I hated not being able to get the things I wanted. I hated not being able to go out and eat or do things that all the other kids did.
And then I started making my own money…
Suddenly, I was able to go out and eat with friends. I began to surround myself with the things I grew up without. I bought videos, games, CD’s, and tons of books and magazines. I looked forward to payday each week so I could go out and buy more stuff. It made me happy. But that happiness was short lived. There was always something else to buy or another place to go.
Looking back, It pains me that I wasted so much money on ‘stuff’ in attempts to find happiness. And while I was able to stop spending (for the most part), I never lost the taste for it. And the taste, without the ability to spend, left me miserable at times. And what did I do to get past that misery? I ate more food. And like going further into debt, overeating only exacerbates the problem, making the void larger and larger. Until it consumes you.
Without a job, my spending decisions are even more crucial. It’s coming to the point where every purchase I make has to be weighed carefully. The same is holding true for food. While my wife and I used to dine out frequently, my jobless situation, coupled with the expense of having a child, has cut that to a rarity. And as far as eating to fill the void, it’s no longer an option if I want to be around to see my son grow up.
I’m starting to live like my parents did when they raised me. And I’m not completely happy to be back in this position.
Happiness without ‘Stuff’
So, now I HAVE to find happiness in other areas. I’m learning to appreciate simplicity and smaller portions of food. I’m not thinking about what I lack, but rather what I have.
With the gloomy economic scene, I imagine a lot of you are already learning to make do with less and looking at ways to cut your expenses. For those that were caught up in consumption and never really appreciated what you have, I urge you to take the time now. Take joy in your family and friends. Enjoy the simple things as our grandparents (children of the Great Depression) did. It seems a shame that their lessons were lost on so many of us. They knew how to get by on less. They lived below their means. They put their families first. If only we’d all done the same. There is no doubt that we’d be in better shape (physical and financial) than we are today.
Hopefully, we can learn these lessons before we are undone by our excess.
Have you struggled with excess? If so, how did you conquer it?
If you’d like to learn more about Stuff, check out the Story of Stuff.
As always, thanks for reading. See you Monday.
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I’m surprised Dave hasn’t hopped on this yet!
I don’t think I’d be anywhere without my wife. She’s frugal beyond belief. She’s also a great motivator. We have a house mostly because of her saving and staying on top of it. I owe a lot to her.
That picture made my laugh my ass off.
You have really hit on a hot potato here BD.
Now the so called credit crunch is biting hard many people are looking to their spending and tightening belts.
A while back now, hubby and I decided to call a halt on excess. It is so easy to get sucked into that ‘must own a fancy TV’, ‘must have the latest phone’ etc etc and when you have children you end up throwing money at them too.
I want my children to understand, really understand, the value of money. I want them to understand that they can’t have everything they want in an instant. Today’s society seems to have very much a buy it now worry about it later attitude and I don’t want my children to worry about debt.
So now, if we can’t afford it we don’t buy it. If we really want it we save, and by stepping back and taking a little time sometimes we realise that actually we don’t really need it.
I think your attitude of weighing up spending decisions is crucial even if you do have pots of money to spare.
A really thought provoking and interesting read Blogger Dad.
Now I’m just off to buy the kids their own mobile phone each . . . kidding kidding.
How very true.
It’s the conclusion I’ve been reaching over the last year or so. My progress in eliminating the excess is slow and somewhat erratic but I’m getting there.
I’ve always believed that the most interesting bits of life happen at the extremes, but it’s not where most of life happens. If you spend too long at the extremes you become the extremes and it’s difficult to escape the gravity of the situation.
I’m totally with you here Blogger Dad. I’m still learning the lessons even this late in my life. I’m learning them now so that I can start to teach my children how to live a more rewarding, satisfying life and balanced lives.
The deal for me is that I want to live the message in order to convey it to my children. If they see me behaving the way I ask them to behave they’ll more likely believe in me and follow on.
I applaud what you’re doing in cutting back the excesses and I’m here to cheer you on.
Matthew: I decided to do my most important tasks first thing this morning and now that I’ve done them, I’m free to play for a while.
What a good boy I’m becoming!
Credit card companies and banks made it painfully easy to buy more Stuff – whether we can afford it or not.
Wow, painfully easy, that was a good one, but oh so true.
My oldest brother did the same thing. My mom was very frugal as well. When my brother landed a job with TI (you know the place that makes calculators) and had a family and kids, he now gets to re-live all the kid experiences he never had. He bought a slew of gas powered RC cars and races them with his son all the time, they have a ginormous house and two fancy, snazy cars. I look at him and am proud of what he did, but at the same time am thinking, geez, didn’t mom teach you anything?
I am glad that you have realized, as not many Americans have, that there can be enjoyment in other things. Good on ya BD!
Hola! I’m here to tell you, stuff is a burden. We pay tons of good money to take care of it, to put a roof over its head (sometimes an extra storage unit), to keep it updated, to haul it from place to place. We worry about who we’re going to give it to when we’re gone. Silly! Retarded, even!
My mother gets old and I say, let’s get rid of some of this stuff. She responds, seriously, “Nope, I’m leaving it for you to do after I die.” Thanks, Mom! It’s a horrible thing to do to your children, and I won’t!
Now I’m old. I want to move. Anywhere. I don’t like living where we do, but we’re stuck for a while, but I least of all want to haul more stuff to a new place, because I’m old and can’t carry much. It makes my feet hurt when I do.
I want to get rid of even more stuff than we did when we combined households a couple of years ago. Do you know why? We had an estate sale at my house. I walked through just before they opened the doors and there was all my stuff – laying out. Like I had died. I was undone. I couldn’t believe I was undone over….STUFF! We still have too much of it! It can rule your life. Why can’t we rule our own lives, hey?
Good stuff here, and I’m sure everyone reading can relate. I grew up under similar circumstances and made the same choices. As an adult, I climbed the ladder of success to a ridiculous income, and then like that song on that old song Hee Haw, PFFT! It was gone. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iqnm3A10m8I)
Driving around in my hot car, I remember this voice in my head whispering, “This won’t last.” I believed it, but ignored it at the same time.
However, as stressful as being laid off has been, one of the bright spots has been the close relationship with my wonderful wife. If I had to pick between even a moderate income and a good marriage, no doubt what I’m going with (ya, the marriage).
I’ve also realized how much I can live without, like the hot car, and a ton of other stuff. There’s a great book I read, The Toa of Enron by Chris Seay. It’s from a religious pov (w/o being preachy), but the message is the same, live simple and cultivate meaningful relationships with those around you.
Take care and have a great weekend ya’ll.
When I worked for someone else, I was always broke. Now I work for myself and have some money in the bank because I respect my paycheck more now.
I think this financial crisis is the WAKE UP CALL for our nation. Glad to see it made it to the Blogger Dad house.
I am all for getting rid of stuff.
Before I buy something, I ask myself– is this something that will make a difference in my life 10 years from now? Is this something I would want to pack up and move, if I had to move?
It’s surprising how much stuff we DON’T need.
It’s even harder to get your teens to recognize that they don’t need Yet Another Shirt, or the latest gizmo out on the market.
I wrote a post on this very subject a few weeks ago. Our family made a conscious choice to downsize. We gave up all the fancy stuff that weighed us down. I am happier today than I have ever been…seriously. I know have more room in my life for experiences that mean something. Having more was a huge, expensive burden!
I hope you don’t mind…but here is the link to my post if you want to read about it…
(http://thezeninyou.blogspot.com/2008/09/living-with-less-living-more-fully.html)
Again, I’m amazed by how much we have in common, Dave. I did the over consumption thing for a while. The only reason I don’t know is because I simply cannot afford to, and am unwilling to buy things I don’t need on a credit card. I am deliriously grateful for my forced frugality. It’s made me a better parent and a better father. And about weight, I doubt you ate a single cheeseburger more than I did. When it comes to pasta and food in general, I’ve been guilty of being a complete glutton. The difference is that I was blessed with a pretty amazing metabolism. But I’m getting older now and my habits are changing. I’m on a no sugar fast right now (total – no pasta or anything) because I’ve picked up pounds. Why? Because I eat while I write, I write at night right before I go to bed, and my snack of choice is peanut M&M’s.
You know the problems, which puts you half way to the solutions.
To all: I have an appointment today but will respond to each of you later. Caroline, I made your link clickable. And I have no problem with you leaving links to relevant posts. Thanks to everyone.
Hi. Found you through WriterDad.
Great post. I have to restrain myself often from buying just one more thing that I think will make me happy. That happiness is fleeting.
We recently decided to forgo buying a major purchase, and like Caroline, I’m glad.
I agree with you and am very similar. I used to be able to spend money like water but having 3 babies at once kinda put a stop to that. I am not very good at saving and being money smart. I need to learn and quickly. But aleast, we don’t have a ton of credit cards or loans. I am so thankful for that.
I’m a bit ahead of you in age, Blogger Dad, and found a different way of looking at things when my kids were in late grade school. Crazy schedules, activities, commutes, and the rest of it finally went out the window as I embraced a simple lifestyle. Of course, my biggest weakness is books, and I’ve “made do” with the purchase of a single book since May when my husband became unemployed. The weight comes off with a simpler diet and simple exercise. Nothing fancy or strenuous is needed. Indeed, we have no t.v. (no cable) and no “extras” except cell phones. It’s a great way to live because I owe almost nothing to consumer debt. And THAT was a very good thing when hubby lost his job!
My journal was absolutely key when I started examining life, my choices, the reasons I “needed” to have or consume things. Great therapy on paper. I still have them 12 years later.
Hi Blogger Dad – Yup! Been there, done that. I’ve been on a simplifying kick this year. The more Stuff I get rid of, the lighter I feel. The clutter was weighing me down. Now I don’t buy anything if I don’t have a spot for it, if I don’t have a use for it, and if the one I have works fine. I’m amazed at how much money I’ve saved by making conscience decisions before making a purchase.
First of all, apologies for not responding sooner. I had a pretty hectic day yesterday! So, as promised, here’s the responses. Thank you all for your patience and for sharing your stories.
Matthew – Same here about the wife! If it were up to me, we’d be living in a house made of empty Diet Pepsi 12 pack cases and CD cases.
Tara – Thanks. Good points you made. You mean your kids don’t already have iPhones?! What kind of mother ARE you?!
Dave – Great comment, especially the part about the extremes. I couldn’t agree with you more. As for living as an example for your children, that is the voice of wisdom there! Thank you for adding your thoughts to this discussion.
Sal – Welcome back, buddy! (I’ll head over to your blog later to catch up). Your brother sounds like a real bastard. (just kidding). Thanks for the comments.
Betsy – I know what you’re saying. Everytime I’ve moved, I thought to myself, it would be so much easier just to sell, donate, or hell, burn everything I own, rather than rent a moving truck and haul it from town to town! I’ll likely write a post about stuff and death at another date, at which time I will expound on this a bit more. Thanks for your great comment!
CK Lunchbox – Thanks for sharing your story. I’ve often thought, if only I could get one of those ridiculously high paying jobs. I would SO save all the excess money. I tell myself I wouldn’t be led into the temptation to spend it all. Of course, if I spent the small paycheck I made just eight years ago as quick as I made it, I probably wouldn’t of done much better with more money. Fortunately, I’m about 500 percent better than I used to be. Though, to be honest, I REALLY, REALLY want a Playstation 3. Of course, being broke means it ain’t gonna’ happen. But, man, there’s a few games that I REALLY REALLY want.
Jamie – Thank you. I’m glad that you’ve been able to find success doing something you enjoy!
GreenJello – You wouldn’t be getting rid of a PlayStation 3 anytime soon, woul you? As for the moving thing, I am totally there with you. Heck, I told my wife if we move again we’re sleeping on air mattresses, because I don’t feel like moving our bed!
Caroline – Great post! I know a few people living like you once did and the funny thing is, they are among the most miserable people I know!
Writer Dad – Yeah, we are like creepy long lost twins or something. Only, I got all the “fluffy” genes. I have a friend like you, who puts me to shame when it comes to eating. We used to go to Denny’s when they did the All You Can Eat breakfast. He took “All You Can Eat” as a personal challenge! He ate – no lie – at least eight plates of food, while I got one refill. And the skinny bastard is like 155 pounds! Jerk. As for the no sugar fast, man, I feel for you!
Pink Ink – Thanks for stopping by and for the nice comment. Congratulations on heeding the call not to spend!
Jen – Well, at least you avoided debt. That’s good. I hear that Dave Ramsey is pretty good with money advice. I read some of his stuff, but haven’t yet put it to practice, as my job loss happened at the exact same time, and I couldn’t do some of the things he suggested.
B J Keltz – Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experience. It sounds like your wise decisions saved you some real heartache when your husband lost his job. As for cell phones, I LOATHE that they have become a necessary part of life! I got rid of ours and got the prepaid ones which cost $30 bucks a month (for two) – much better than the nearly $80 bucks we were spending. Yeah, they don’t have fancy features, but I never used those anyway.
Barbara – Those are some great rules to live by. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Blogger Dad: Lately I’ve been decluttering like mad and I keep thinking: when did I accumulate all of these things? The more I get rid of stuff, the more stream-lined and clean my apartment feels, and the happier I get. And the photograph at the top is funny and scary at the same time.
Marelisa – Hi, thanks for swinging by. Thanks, for the comment about the comic. And yes, it’s scary because it’s true. Whenever I see houses on TV which are all white with barely anything in them, I think, why can’t I have that? My office looks like a tornado ripped through a library and deposited books and magazines everywhere. I am SERIOUSLY thinking about getting rid of a lot of this.
I think accumulation of Stuff {read “junk”
} is so common, everywhere in the world. We live in Canada, and our situation sounds very similar to the US. I see people at stores buy hordes of useless stuff, because they are on sale.
With our family of seven children, we had to learn to live fairly frugally, especially when the company my husband was working for collapsed and went bankrupt, with no severance pay, and no paycheck for the last month he worked ~ we had just found out we were expecting our fourth baby. For almost a year he couldn’t find permanent employment {I was working 4 jobs to help out at this point and he stayed home}, until he found a job 5 hours away from our town. We were expecting our fifth at this point. He ended up staying at his best friend’s house for 2 years, coming home every second weekend. It was an interesting time.
All this to say that for years, we lived on very meager funds, and still had to pay our mortgage, our car, our insurance, etc, etc, etc… I look back and wonder how we did it sometimes. But, with a hubby’s now stable {as much as it can be in the computer industry}, steady job {going on 4 years}, it’s been a bit more lenient money-wise. We can actually go out to the movies {we still have no cable nor satellite ~ mostly by choice now}, or even go out for a fancy supper. These are such priviledges, and we don’t take them lightly.
As for the children, we don’t need to buy used clothing {I still do sometimes, as old habits die hard
}, our foods are more organically centered, and our everyday cleaning products are all organic or natural. The extra cost of this is worth it for the long term health of our family, don’t you think? 
Your overall message about reducing consumption is important, but equating fatness with overconsumption is a stereotype. Even with fat people who eat huge amounts of food I suspect they’re doing it not because it made them fat but because they’re now fat and have to feed all that extra body tissue.
Speaking from experience, I can eat small amounts and be fat, and I can eat large amounts and lose weight–and I do not mean large amounts of salad; try steak and heavy cream and full-fat cheese! Calorie theory seems to turn completely on its head with me. I suspect if you ask most fat people they will agree with that sentiment.
I think that where overweight has anything to do with health, it’s caused by bad nutrition. Not too much, just the wrong kind. We’ve been sold a bill of goods about what good nutrition means. And of course obesity does not always mean bad health. If it is not associated with metabolic syndrome or diabetes in an individual, it is also not associated with a higher mortality risk. This has been proven through research as recently as 2006.
I take a bellydancing class on Tuesdays (no gut jokes, please) and another cardio dance class on Wednesdays, and I passed a slender guy jogging in the other direction when I walked to the rec center for one of those classes last week. It occurred to me that that guy might have wondered just for one second why I didn’t get up off my fat butt and exercise. Then I realized there are probably a lot of fat women in my situation, people passing them on the street thinking “go on a diet” and not realizing they were going to exercise class. Then I got to the cardio dance class and wouldn’t you know it, my instructor was overweight too! And could run circles around the classroom without breathing hard! I also know a fat woman who runs marathons and am aware of others who are triathletes and other kinds of active people. And there are people in developing countries who are fat, too–they don’t eat a lot of food, so what’s going on there?
You just never know.
Dana – Thank you for commenting. While yes there are healthy overweight people, a majority of overweight people are so because of the wrong food choices. Excess isn’t just the amount of food, but amount of unhealthy food choices. I owe my own weight problems to eating poorly and drinking sugar-laden sodas on an almost nonstop basis. Nearly everyone else I know who is fat can say the same thing.
Having said that, once I had reached a certain weight, it became harder to lose weight because of changes in my body. But, and here’s the part most fat people don’t or won’t admit, it CAN be done. It’s hard as hell, but it can be done.
My brother is a perfect example. He was as large as I am, if not larger, and he lost weight. How? Eating healthier foods, walking, bike riding, and eventually some strength training. There’s no secret. Most fat people can lose weight if they want.
As for the fat people in developing countries, I’m glad you asked. If you are speaking of African children who appear fat, that is their stomach bloating from malnutrition. If it’s other countries, where people do have food to eat, then there is another culprit. The western diet of processed and corn syrup-laden foods.
If people are healthy and happy with their body weight, then that is awesome. I believe society has VERY unrealistic weight expectations, particularly for girls and women. It’s bothersome, to say the least. I am simply addressing those whose excess is driving them to a place they would rather not be.
Rosie – Sounds like you had a rough going of it. Glad you pulled through and things are working out for your family. Thanks for sharing your story and sorry that I missed it earlier.
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I love The Story of Stuff! My husband came across it several months ago.
Hello, my name is Liz and I like to buy stuff. I am addicted to stuff. However, I am getting better. Getting married, acquiring 2 teenagers, having 2 kids of my own, and not having my silicon valley salary fixed a lot of it.
We try to get more stuff that is used. My husband likes the “reuse” part of reduce, reuse, and recycle.
LizPs last blog post..10/02/08 First Dentist Appointment
Just came across this post of yours, Blogger Dad, and I have nothing useful to add to it other than just to say, Bravo! A really valid and topical subject, with some great truths in there. I am, I think, what would be considered slim (thanks really to my hyperactive metabolism and generally healthy food preferences) but am definitely guilty of what I call ‘mindless eating’ (rather than over-consumption – although when you’re not focusing on what you’re ingesting, invariably you do end up eating more than you need…or want!) and also living beyond my means. I think both will end up being a life-long struggle for me. Btw: your knowledge of health and diets (especially the bloating caused by malnutrition in famine-ridden 3rd world countries) impressed this trainee nutritionist!
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Eating while plugged into the net is something I have yet to master. I started with coffee and nothing else. Months later, I’d find an assortment of chocolates wrappers, bread sticks, and other junk food near my desktop. I can do away with the junk food, but I’m standing firm by my coffee. That’s non-negotiable.
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