Letter to an unnamed cookie company

Dear Unnamed Cookie Company,

Thank you for the “free sample” of the “World’s Best Chocolate Chip Cookie” which arrived in my mailbox today.

Ever since I placed the order last week, I have been salivating as I imagined what The World’s Greatest Chocolate Chip Cookie would taste like. As you might discern from my belly, I’m no stranger to cookies. You might even say I’m a cookie lover, if not a cookie monster, as no cookie is safe in my house longer than 24 hours.

I told family, friends and even random strangers that I would soon have in my hands not just any cookie, but The World’s Best Chocolate Chip Cookie. You can imagine the excitement that built in my community as each day. Neighbors gathered around my mailbox waiting for the arrival of my free sample.

Sure, the sample wasn’t really free. I had to pay $2.50 for shipping and handling. But that is a small pittance to pay for The World’s Best Chocolate Chip Cookie.

Since the website from which I ordered the cookie didn’t tell me how many come in a free sample, I found myself worrying that I might get too many cookies. I’d hate to over indulge on The World’s Best Chocolate Chip Cookies and have all other cookies ruined forever after.

Today, the excitement built to a crescendo as my wife slowly opened the mailbox. Inside, was the moment we’ve all been waiting for. As she lifted the white bubble wrap package skyward, the crowd erupted into wild cheers!

After the obligatory interviews with local media outlets, I shooed the crowd away and then gathered my family around the table, ready to share in the bountiful goodness.

I opened the package and was greeted with one cookie, wrapped tightly in plastic wrap, rubber band and a nice white ribbon. These people spared no expense!

And the cookie was HUGE, a full 3 inches in diameter!

I wasn’t sure how I would cut such a massive cookie into pieces for my family to enjoy, not without a jackhammer or some other heavy construction equipment which I am not licensed to operate, anyway. Fortunately, when I picked the cookie up, it fell apart into easier-to-eat pieces.

My wife, my son and I each enjoyed a one inch fragment of The World’s Best Chocolate Chip Cookie. Fortunately, we were unable to form an opinion based on one bite each. This is good because it means I wasn’t tempted to order more cookies.

So, thank you, Unnamed Cookie Company, for not over-delivering on your free sample and avoiding what could have been a long, expensive and fattening relationship.

There’s a followup to this post. The cookie company contacted me! Check it out here.

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