Women are not good shoppers.
Yeah, I know it’s a rather general and broad sweeping statement which doesn’t apply to all women.
Oh, women know how to shop, in fact, most women I know LOVE shopping and would list it as one of their top five activities. They just don’t know HOW to shop.
When men shop, we shop with the single goal of getting stuff and getting the hell out of the store as quickly as possible. Shopping for men is carried out with military-like precision. We know what we want and usually where to find it – even if we’ve never been in the store before.
And if for some reason, we can’t find what we’re looking for, well, we didn’t really need the item to begin with.
You could give the same shopping list to a man and a woman and:
- the man will be out of the store within 10 minutes or less
- the man doesn’t even NEED a LIST. He’ll memorize the list. He’s that good!
- the woman will see at least one shift change of employees during her shopping trip
The secret to men’s shopping success
Part of the secret to men’s shopping prowess is that we don’t waste time dawdling in the outer aisles of the store, which include the bakery, produce and deli. We know that all that we need in a store can be found in the center four aisles of the store – Frozen food, beverages and chips.
Sometimes, we’ll venture to an outer aisle, to get toilet paper or something.
Another speedy tip – you get ONE TRIP down the aisle. If you forget an item, move on. There is NO going back.
Women will walk down the same aisle four or five times and won’t think twice of visiting aisles out of sequence.
Male v. Female shopping patterns
Couples should NEVER shop together
Recently, I went with my wife to the grocery store. I had planned to go by myself, but she suggested that she and our son tag along. Yeah, our lives are so boring that shopping is a big event. Chalk that up to having a) a toddler and b) no money.
So my quick trip to pick up some groceries was now a family event.
Rather than walking down the aisles at a quick clip, grabbing only what we need, we were meandering at a leisurely pace, like tourists taking in the beauty of Prague.
The simple task of picking out a can of soup became an investigation into the ingredients on each can, a comparative breakdown of the price per ounce and a methodical consideration of what the prices were at other stores. My wife is looking at products as if she’d never been in a grocery store before.
Two hours later, still in the soup aisle, our son is getting cranky and I’m getting annoyed, thinking how much easier it would have been to shop alone.
It’s soup. You either know what you want or you don’t!
Perhaps, shopping amnesia had settled in.
Yes, women are prone to shopping amnesia, a condition which causes them to lose:
- all prior memories of what they are shopping for
- how much time has passed while they are shopping
- the location where they parked.
The last one can be forgiven considering how many days passed since they originally arrived at the store.
And God forbid you go to the mall with a woman.
You may as well pack a bagged lunch, some overnight clothes and a book or two. You’re going to be there a while.
I once waited on a bench outside a clothing store for nearly five days for my wife to pick out clothes. She said she’d be “five minutes.”
Tip: Five minutes is NEVER five minutes when it comes to shopping. Never.
I’m sure some of my female readers will tell me I’m wrong and that they can shop just fine, thank you. Maybe you’re one of the rare women I read about once.
I think it was in a book of fairy tales.
So tonight, I insisted that I go to the store alone. All we needed was a gallon of milk and it would be quicker if I went solo.
I’m so good that not only did I get out of the store in record time, but I also managed to find quite a few items we needed at deeply discounted prices!
Yes, I’m that good!
I got home, proudly showing off my sale items and my wife looked at me and asked, “Um, where’s the milk?”
As always, thanks for reading,
David
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That is so funny.
First I read it and thought ‘cheeky begger, how dare he’, then I thought ‘actually he’s spot on’.
You don’t ever want to meet my mother in law. She shops for sport. She actually offers to do your shopping for you then comes back with a bunch of stuff ‘she forgot she needed herself’.
I actually enjoy shopping on my own because it’s the only time I get a bit of peace and can actually think!
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I’m in tears, I’m laughing so hard!
Great post David, spot on. I’ve stumbled this post for future reference (read: my next weekly shopping trip)
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Actually, I’ll use a list if I have a number of items that I need.
I’ll say this, though. A few weeks ago we were in the LL Bean parking lot. The kids were totally FREAKING out in the car, so we decided maybe I should just go in solo for the cast iron thingy-ma-bob that sits on your woodstove and holds water (and smelly potpourri crap). The store was busy, but I was in and back to the car in 6 minutes flat! The woman timed it.
Well, sure men are better if the goal is to actually BUY stuff – but you’re talking about two totally different things here LOL…
My husband is the “shopper,” and loves to drive to three or four stores to compare prices before selecting what he feels is the best deal. He can linger quite a while in any section, debating the merits of this price versus that quantity.
Me? Move it, people, get out of my way. I need one thing in this aisle and I’m not interested in slowing down. I HATE clothes shopping, and the only time I’ll get browsy is in A) a book store, B) Near leather purses, and C) at Lowe’s or Home Depot.
Tip: Always get what you came for first. Then bargain shop to your heart’s content.
So much less embarrassing, lol.
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I just printed off your post and taped it to our refrigerator. Now I am in charge of all grocery shopping for our family.
The pro is I probably just saved our family a decades worth of time, which would have been wasted in the designer cheese aisle.
The con is I am now saddled with the responsibility of ensuring that I have every ingredient for every recipe that may or may not be atttempted in our home.
Not sure if I should praise or curse you…
But regardless, thanks for the laugh.
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Your description of how women shop versus men is accurate when you are talking about grocery stores. But when it comes to places like Home Depot or Lowe’s, the roles totally reverse, at least with my husband they do.
Fortunately, this works out well because I am able to make sure we have something edible in the house other than Fruit Loops and Budweiser, and he keeps all the “homeowner stuff” from falling down, breaking apart or blowing up. What a team!
This was so funny I had to come back and read it again. I don’t know how many times I’ve left the house without needing a list because my memory works just fine, only to come home empty handed. That ending was priceless.
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LOVEDDDD the diagram of the shopping pattern. Too funny. I can relate to a lot of what you said. HOWEVER, my guy does shop fast, but he almost NEVER remembers everything he was supposed to get. At least women come home with everything they need, (and then some)
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Hi Blogger Dad – I love the drawing. In some ways, it MIGHT be true.
Recently my husband has been going shopping with me more often. In the past it was a real nightmare (for me) as he was just as you described. Now, however, he appears to enjoy shopping and even finds great deals and new things for us to try. Maybe I’ll even get him in the kitchen one of these days and he’ll try his hand at cooking. Or not.
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The joy of texting is that I can send a list to my hubby when he goes to the store, even if he swears he can remember what he needs to get.
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At first I was offended, because I thought you were talking about shopping at a mall. I am the ‘get in, get the heck out of Dodge’ type of mall shopper. Then I realized you were talking about grocery stores, and I was humbled (or is that humiliated?). Yep, that is how I grocery shop.
HOWEVER, take your drawing of a woman shopping in a grocery store, and turn it into a hardware/home renovation store. Because THAT, my friend, depicts a man in one of those stores.
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Mate, you’ve been watching me closely! (That’s all I’ll say on this subject!!)
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Tara – Thanks. And shopping as escape, eh? Why do you think men like shopping alone?
Marc – Thank you and thanks for commenting.
ChasingSanity – Adding kids to any shopping trip adds 20 minutes per child at minimum.
Dana – LOL, silly me, thinking that shopping was about buying stuff. Forgive my maleness.
BJ Keltz – Let’s not let our mates ever shop together!
Shane – Thanks for visiting. You’ll probably end up cursing me once all your newfound time savings are wasted on household “to-do” lists.
Susan – Hey, thanks for stopping by! Good to see you here. I’ll admit that I take a bit longer in stores like Lowe’s and Home Depot.That’s because I’m really not sure what the hell I’m looking for and Im too afraid to reveal my ignorance by asking for help.
Writer Dad – thanks! And the ending has happened more than once!
Dannifer – Thanks. But the only reason your guy misses a few items when he shops is because there are too many items on the list in the first place!
Barbara – Getting him in the kitchen could make for a humorous post! Thanks.
GreenJello – which is exactly why I’m glad that most stores around here have horrible cell phone reception.
Urban Panther – LOL, I was wondering who would be the first to be offended. Glad you read through. And yes, I’ll agree with your point on men.
David McMahon – Thanks for stopping by. Does this ring true for your family’s shopping experiences, too?
My husband and I do weighting class 2x a week and grocery shopping together – those are our in-person “dates” per week. We just do the outside perimeter of the store and we stroll. He can’t eat anything with Gluten and I can’t eat much of anything – and we are usually getting items for his food for work. We talk, visit and stroll….I interview him about what he wants to say on his blog….but wow if he should wander away and he can’t find me – we are always thankful for the cellphone!
This just truly made me laugh tonight – I thought it was so funny and loved the shopping pictures…I am putting a link on my blog post for tomorrow so others can have a good laugh too!
Thank you.
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So sad. So true.
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As a woman and a shopper, I have to agree that every word of this is true. Except, of course, that many women would beg to differ that all of this proves that MEN are the ones who clearly don’t know how to shop. The essence of the shopping experience comes from the multiple trips down a grocery store aisle, the complete disregard of time, the forgetting of what you’re there for, and the leisurely search for whatever it is you might need or want. You men are really missing out with your minimalist attitude and sense of direction.
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Congrats on a POTD mention at David’s:
http://david-mcmahon.blogspot.com/2009/01/post-of-day_21.html
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Ah Blogger Dad, yes and that’s why I leave mine at home…with the children. Congrats on the Post of the Day mention!
Sandi
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That was hilarious. Your grocery store map looks like my last trip to the store, I totally was all over the place. Hahahaha!
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When I got to the comparative man’s and woman’s shopping plans I laughed out loud. My significant other will leave me in the store. He goes through the checkout line and leaves me wandering around looking for him. I’ll find him waiting for me in the car/truck. At least he doesn’t make me hoof it. Contratz on POTD.
LOL funny! I can totally relate. I bought my wife a pair of boots she wanted for Christmas. She decided she wanted to go to the store and try on the 8.5. She put both the 8.5 and the 8 on, and then off, on and then off. I wandered around the store while she debated. She called my cell phone. Turns out, she was waiting for me to return so that she could make up her mind. I wasn’t about to get into this trap. Forty-five minutes later, she leaves with the same pair I bought her. Maddening!
All too true…and I loved the lack of milk. Yesterday I overheard a comment from a shopping dad to his little daughter, ‘Don’t worry about the shopping list. I’ll square it with mum when we get home’. Oh dear he’s in deep trouble
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Oh, you. You should know better than generalizing about women, especially when it’s a criticism! With all the ladies in the blogosphere, you could be lynched. Remember Motrin?
Now, I happen to be a great shopper. Sure, I like to browse sometimes, however I tend to have a very specific list and I can be in and out when I’m short on time or just don’t feel like browsing. I make two kinds of shopping trips: 1. when I’m shopping for something specific, 2. when I just want to look.
# 1. includes shopping for clothing, birthday presents, grocery shopping and Christmas shopping. Christmas shopping especially I like to do on my own, go out with my list and just get it all done in one go, usually at the end of November.
#2 is usually when I go look at shoes and makeup, which is when I do NOT take my husband with me. ’cause I know I will want to browse and possibly try several pairs and he’ll be bored. Oh, and sales. I will sometimes hit the sales and see what I can score, but I usually have some sort of list then, too.
Also, smart ass: men like to browse too, only in different stores. Like the Mac store. Or Circuit City. And for some, the adult video store. Now, I’ll take Nordstrom over any of those any day
(or most days. I do like the Mac store.)
After your suggestion about reading the Target Article (Very humorous and extremely accurate read by the way), I meandered on over to this article. I couldn’t agree with you more! Although I am a woman, I do not like shopping with other women, “So why are we in Kay Jewelers when we came here for a shirt?” When I shop , I go, I seek, I find, I purchase, I leave. No need to drag out this annoying experience anymore than necessary, too many ignorant people out in the public. Although, I can say, if a guy does need a woman’s perspective, I am always first pick!
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I must say from a woman’s perspective I completely agree with you. Your article was written with great humor and facts. I can’t stand shopping with my friends or family.. I like to get in, get what I need, and get out. Life is too short to be standing in the halls of a store looking at things that you can’t afford anyway. I’d rather read a book or blog, and have a nice leisurely nature walk.
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I own it. I love to shop. The word SHOPPING in the title of this post is what drew me to reading this one in the first place. SHOES would be another attention grabbing title.
Let me clear up the female shopping thing as I have for my husband. We have two types of shopping.
1. Task shopping
2. Recreational shopping.
Task shopping OFTEN turns into recreational shopping, without any given notice.
I do have one issue with men (or at least the one I cohabitate with) and food shopping. They take no list, insist they can remember everything without it, yet always come back having forgotten at least one thing.
Love your diagrams!
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Stumbled across your blog today – loving it! I particularly like the very apt pictures tracing the routes through the supermarket!