Women are not good shoppers.
Yeah, I know it’s a rather general and broad sweeping statement which doesn’t apply to all women.
Oh, women know how to shop, in fact, most women I know LOVE shopping and would list it as one of their top five activities. They just don’t know HOW to shop.
When men shop, we shop with the single goal of getting stuff and getting the hell out of the store as quickly as possible. Shopping for men is carried out with military-like precision. We know what we want and usually where to find it – even if we’ve never been in the store before.
And if for some reason, we can’t find what we’re looking for, well, we didn’t really need the item to begin with.
You could give the same shopping list to a man and a woman and:
- the man will be out of the store within 10 minutes or less
- the man doesn’t even NEED a LIST. He’ll memorize the list. He’s that good!
- the woman will see at least one shift change of employees during her shopping trip
The secret to men’s shopping success
Part of the secret to men’s shopping prowess is that we don’t waste time dawdling in the outer aisles of the store, which include the bakery, produce and deli. We know that all that we need in a store can be found in the center four aisles of the store – Frozen food, beverages and chips.
Sometimes, we’ll venture to an outer aisle, to get toilet paper or something.
Another speedy tip – you get ONE TRIP down the aisle. If you forget an item, move on. There is NO going back.
Women will walk down the same aisle four or five times and won’t think twice of visiting aisles out of sequence.
Male v. Female shopping patterns
Couples should NEVER shop together
Recently, I went with my wife to the grocery store. I had planned to go by myself, but she suggested that she and our son tag along. Yeah, our lives are so boring that shopping is a big event. Chalk that up to having a) a toddler and b) no money.
So my quick trip to pick up some groceries was now a family event.
Rather than walking down the aisles at a quick clip, grabbing only what we need, we were meandering at a leisurely pace, like tourists taking in the beauty of Prague.
The simple task of picking out a can of soup became an investigation into the ingredients on each can, a comparative breakdown of the price per ounce and a methodical consideration of what the prices were at other stores. My wife is looking at products as if she’d never been in a grocery store before.
Two hours later, still in the soup aisle, our son is getting cranky and I’m getting annoyed, thinking how much easier it would have been to shop alone.
It’s soup. You either know what you want or you don’t!
Perhaps, shopping amnesia had settled in.
Yes, women are prone to shopping amnesia, a condition which causes them to lose:
- all prior memories of what they are shopping for
- how much time has passed while they are shopping
- the location where they parked.
The last one can be forgiven considering how many days passed since they originally arrived at the store.
And God forbid you go to the mall with a woman.
You may as well pack a bagged lunch, some overnight clothes and a book or two. You’re going to be there a while.
I once waited on a bench outside a clothing store for nearly five days for my wife to pick out clothes. She said she’d be “five minutes.”
Tip: Five minutes is NEVER five minutes when it comes to shopping. Never.
I’m sure some of my female readers will tell me I’m wrong and that they can shop just fine, thank you. Maybe you’re one of the rare women I read about once.
I think it was in a book of fairy tales.
So tonight, I insisted that I go to the store alone. All we needed was a gallon of milk and it would be quicker if I went solo.
I’m so good that not only did I get out of the store in record time, but I also managed to find quite a few items we needed at deeply discounted prices!
Yes, I’m that good!
I got home, proudly showing off my sale items and my wife looked at me and asked, “Um, where’s the milk?”
As always, thanks for reading,
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