Since most of my readers here are women, I’d like to offer a public service to help bridge the gap in male-female relations. Most problems tend to crop up when we fail to understand one another. Men and women are different. Only when we understand what makes the other tick can we really try to work with one another. Below is a list of some things to help women better understand their men a bit better. Obviously, this list doesn’t apply to all men. Just 99.982% of them.
Men don’t always say that they love you. It’s not that they don’t. I mean your man might love the New York Jets or have a huge, almost to the point of being embarrassing, man-crush on Brett Favre, but he doesn’t necessarily say it. That doesn’t make the love any less real.
Men don’t need their socks to match. In fact, most guys don’t even need to wear two socks. We kind of laugh when we see you pairing socks together and actually folding them into one another before putting them in a dresser drawer.
It’s not that guys can’t clean… It’s just that we have so many things going on in our heads at any moment that it’s impossible to juggle them all. We admit it, we’re not as good at multitasking as you ladies. At any given moment, a guy’s mental processes are devoted to the following:
- Work he needs to do versus time he has to do it.
- Expectations of the people in his life – his wife, his children, his boss, his fantasy football peers
- What he’s going to eat and where he’s going to eat it.
- Boobies – Those that he’s seen.
- Boobies – Those that he’s not yet seen.
- What’s on TV later?
- Projects he’d like to do around the house – testing to see what happens when you put a six-pack of Pepsi into the microwave.
- Projects his wife expects him to do around the house – weeding, planting a garden, and grouting tile – whatever that is.
- The best way to get that weird stain off the carpet.
Nah, just kidding on the last one. Do you see how out of place it seemed when balanced against all those other VERY IMPORTANT things?
Men don’t mind shopping. They just don’t want to shop with you. I know, I said it before (see Men are Better Shoppers) but I just can’t say it enough, women are simply not as good at shopping as men. Despite that they do it so much more often! For instance, it should not take 10 minutes to decide which bread to buy! And don’t even get me started on clothes shopping. Women can spend literally six hours looking for one shirt. Men, they go in, get what they need, and get out. Simple as that. We don’t even try stuff on. If we get it home and it doesn’t fit, oh well, we have another cloth to wax the car with … or to wipe up the occasional chips and dip disaster.
Men fight fairly. Which is to say that men use things like logic and reason when engaged in an argument (political figures aside). We try to a) identify the problem and then b) find a solution. Women, on the other hand, fight from the Alien Handbook on Emotional Warfare, where logic doesn’t stand a chance against such tactics as the silent treatment, brooding, and crying.
Okay, lady bloggers, (ahem, Tara) the ball’s in your court. If you write a post in response, let me know and I’ll link to it.
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Well let me ask you, do you have the man/woman secret decoder ring?
Believe me, dude, wearing the decoder ring really helps! Whenever your lady friend says something, you just check the decoder ring before you respond, and PRESTO! you always have the proper translation before you even open your mouth.
I think you can get one with some proofs of purchase from Diet Cherry Coke.
Sean Platt´s last blog ..I Stink!
Well, I have no shortage of soda proofs of purchase!
I needed a laugh and my husband, who does not blog or read blogs will read this! I found it particularly funny becuase one of my husbands obnoxious friends spilled an ENTIRE bloody mary on our carpet right by the front door. There is nothing to be done and now there is a grey stain that is getting darker and darker by the day. You do not want to spill tomatos and alcohol on a cream carpet. The combination of acid and liquor is toxic. We got the orange out but that damn grey appeared and is taking over….
If you are curious the throw up of dogs and toddlers is the next worst thing for carpets as fas as stains. The acid you see – and you hope no alcohol!
SO YES! My husband is constantly made to think about that stain on the carpet and how much it will cost to replace the rug.
I am sure you are correct on the rest of your list. Seem right to me! I will be posting in response because you have actually caught me on a day when I believe my sex is overwhelmingly silly about things and I just wish I was a dude – avoid the drama you know!
Great post! I will RT and let you know when my post is up!
Oh now can you tell me what my 21 month old toddler boy is thinking? I could really use the help!
Brittany at Mommy Words´s last blog ..The Incredible Shrinking Uterus
Brittany – Thank you. Glad you enjoyed the post. Between cat puke and child-related food stains, our carpet is shot.
As for what your son is thinking, I can guess something along these lines:
food, cars, toys, trouble, sleep, food, TV!
We admit it, we’re not as good at multitasking as you ladies.
Sorry, I disagree. We’re just as good if not better. My favorite description of men and women is one a comedian did. It is right here. Boxes and a ball of string- makes sense to me.
LOL. I love the 6:40 or so mark on the nothing box.
Too funny!!
Only because it’s true. Thanks.
See – I knew that I was really a guy & my husband was really a woman. Except for the cleaning thing – neither of us wants in on that at all!
Dana´s last blog ..The One Where I Reveal My Ugly Sweater
I’m sure your husband will be thrilled to read that he is being called a girl by his wife.
Clearly I REALLY lucked out – my husband isn’t recognisable in this post at all!
Like I said, not ALL men. For instance, I am way better than the guys on this list. Close to perfect, in fact.
thanks for pointing out so clearly what makes men tick, I feel soooo enlightened now….
Just wait till I put out my book, “Men are From Planet Awesome, Women are Crazy, Hormonal, PMS Aliens.”
It is suuuuure to win me lots of new fans!
I usually side with women in the men v. women wars (save for shopping and parties where people sell crap). However, once a month or so, my position changes. Weird how that works.
If I was male, I’d think women are crazy, hormonal, PMS aliens too! It’s difficult enough to be female and hormonally challenged.
Loran´s last blog ..Morning Clouds
All those things in are in my head plus another 10,000 at a time. That is why I constantly get in trouble for not listening. On the plus side my wife shops faster than any woman I have ever seen. She just shops too often for me.
Otter´s last blog ..Curiosity Set My House On Fire