Most embarrasing moment EVER
You ever have one of those moments where you wish you could just disappear?
I’ve had more than my fair share, most which have happened in front of attractive women. I once puked in front of my ex-girlfriend after we rode a carnival ride (no, that isn‘t why she is an ex). Yet, that isn’t my most embarrassing story.
First, it will help you to know that I’m a big guy. Standing almost 6 foot 4 and weighing nearly 350, I look like a football player – if said football player took a few years off and ate lots of cookies and cream ice cream. Let’s just say I look more like Kevin (King of Queens) James than Kevin Bacon.
In other words, I don’t look like the kind of guy who you’d see at a Lilith Fair concert.
Now, on with the story…
Nearly ten years ago, I used to work the overnight shift at a gas station/convenience store. During my time there, I encountered several threats of violence, was nearly involved in a shootout, helped some cops tackle a lunatic, witnessed more drug deals than I can count, and met the absolutely craziest people to grace this planet. Additionally, I was down the road from a strip club so I saw no shortage of half naked women on an almost nightly basis.
It was everything you could ask for in a job. Well, except it paid practically nothing. While the job provided me countless stories to someday tell (I could fill a whole other blog), it also gave me time to read, draw and write.
Sometimes, though, especially when it was slow and I didn’t get much sleep during the day, the job was dreadfully boring. When I was tired, I didn’t want to read, draw or write, I was looking for something a bit more exciting. So, usually, I would lock the doors, turn on the radio really loud, and sing while I cleaned the store from top to bottom.
Early one morning, around 5 a.m. or so, I had my stereo cranked up high, listening to a mix CD I made. I was singing alt/rock songs at the top of my lungs. I had just finished cleaning the store, and was back in my booth, counting cigarettes for my shift report. While most of the CD was rock songs, there were also a few singer/ songwriter Lilith Fair-type numbers from Sarah McLachlan and an Indigo Girls.
I was singing loudly along to an Indigo Girls’ “Closer to Fine” when I looked down from counting and saw that I had an audience.
Um…Um….
An attractive woman was waiting to buy cigarettes. God only knows how many verses she’d heard. But make no mistake, she heard at least four or five lines. Oh yeah, just in cast it wasn’t an embarrassing enough situation, I was also singing the song in a falsetto.
It’s bad enough that I KNOW the lyrics to an Indigo Girls song, but to actually SOUND like them… Yeah, that is about as far from cool as you can get if you’re a guy.
For a guy that looks like a linebacker, I have a surprisingly good falsetto. While this is cool when I am singing nearly note for note like Thom Yorke from Radiohead or Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins, it’s not so cool when I’m singing something from The Indigo Girls.
“Uh, hi,” I said, to the woman.
I wanted to shrink into a crevice.To instantly vanish to another dimension. To hit rewind and kick out some Pearl Jam or Tool which would’ve been a bit less embarrassing.
Instead, I surprised myself by playing it off totally cool – or attempting to. I just kind of’ smiled in a way that either said, “Yeah, I was singing like a girl, I’m cool like that” or “Yeah, I’m a total ass.”
After she left, I cringed for about an hour… as I’m sure she did.
So, now that I embarrassed myself to the point that many of you may never read this blog again, it’s your turn. What is your most embarrassing tale?
On a side note, I got the idea for this post from SuperMommie, who got the idea from Absolutely Bananas. Thanks to them, both great blogs.
On yet another side note, thanks to my witty readers, some of the funniest stuff on this blog happens in the comments section. So be sure to join in the conversation and check back later to see the funny and at times, thoughtful responses. If you really want to stay up on the action, just click on the button when you post which will subscribe you to have all the comments for that post sent to you.
And on a third side note, I’d be remiss if I failed to mention that Writer Dad made a video of our collaboration WeeBook, which you can check out here.
As always, thanks for reading,
Blogger Dad
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29 Responses to “Most embarrasing moment EVER”
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I’m sitting here chuckling as I read this with the events you describe like it’s a scene from Clerks complete with a Jay & Silent Bob hanging around out front and harassing your lone groupie. Funny stuff.
CK Lunchboxs last blog post..The Sting
This is just hilarious! But these are the moments that make it worthwhile. Kisses!
The Countesss last blog post..Happenstance
@CK Lunchbox: Kevin Smith had to tell everyone on the set to leave because Jason Mewes couldn’t dance with people watching him. I think that’s hilarious.
@Blogger Dad: Dude, I used to sing loudly all the time while in the video store. My voice carried out into the empty mall hallway. I got embarrassed all the time.
[Insert hilarious comment to backup comment about the comments section.]
Matthew Drydens last blog post..I Wrote A Whole Novel In My Head
Hi Blogger Dad – One thing for sure, you made your job fun. Do you think you could post a video and recreate that moment? Me and all of your other readers would thoroughly enjoy it.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..NBOTW – Helping You – Helping Others
My friend (I swear it was my friend) has just had a new kitchen fitted and, while there were holes in the ceiling to fit new lights, the plummer moved a waste pipe in the upstairs ensuite for when they have that refurbished next month.
So my friend comes home, talks to her chap who is working in the office who tells her about the work and she’s not really listening or interested.
She goes upstairs to the toilet, sits there and is thinking ‘why is that pipe over there?’ and ‘what’s that noise?’
That noise was her wee racing down the newly-plastered wall of her kitchen with the tiler stood there watching in horror!
She couldn’t come downstairs until the workman had gone . . .
Taras last blog post..Willy or won’t he? And thanks
Ha!
You don’t trap me so easily, Blogger Dad.
If Tara is only going to tell stories about her “friend”, I’m not going to play either.
As it happens I do have a story about a friend, but I’m not going to tell it in case you all think the story is about me (like the Tara’s awkward experience above).
When I was in Junior High, my friends and I used to do the March of Dimes Walk-A-Thon. One year, while we were walking up one of the streets on the route, I pulled out my map to see where we needed to go next. I wasn’t paying enough attention, and I walked SMACK into a lightpole. It almost knocked me to the ground! My friends had a great time never letting me live that one down…..
GreenJellos last blog post..How to Rule the World with Jello
I am such a funny picture in my head, I am sure it looks close to the same thing. I have so many funny/embarrassing stories. I may have to post about it. Maybe,
Jen, buried with childrens last blog post..Smile
So, only ONE of you has a confession to make? WOW, I have the most amazing readers ever. Nothing embarrassing EVER happens to them.
CK Lunchbox – Oddly enough, I DID have a lone groupie. When I saw Clerks for the first time, I was still at that job, and found it all too true. Though, much less fun was had at my job. For instance, no hockey games on the roof.
The Countess – Thank you. Yeah, without that moment, I wouldn’t of had a blog post for today!
Matthew – Wow, all the time? Boy, I bet people walked a clear path around you at work.
Barbara – Hmm, video of the moment? It’s one thing to talk about something that happened in the past (before I was the cool Blogger Dad I am now) but to reenact those moments? I don’t want to give my wife and son further reasons to hide their identities when out in public.
Tara – Wow, that is a funny story that happened to your *friend*. I bet you, er, I mean, she, was embarrassed!
Dave – Aw, I was really looking forward to your post. In fact, that is the whole reason I wrote THIS post. I wanted to gather embarrassing facts about you to use as ammunition in our lovers quarrel.
GreenJello – Awesome! I mean, Ouch! When I was a kid, I almost ran into the back of a large work truck with lots of dangerous looking metal things jutting from the back of it, while I was riding my bicycle and not looking up.
Jen – Come on, it’s liberating to expose our embarrassing pasts. Okay, not really. It’s pretty damned funny, though.
Blogger Dads last blog post..Worst Album Covers Two : Electric Boogaloo
I’ve never felt so dumfounded on a comment. I left this box three hours ago, so I could have time to think of an answer. My life is sprinkled with humiliation, choosing a single moment isn’t easy. I’ll go with the time that my mom made me wear a pair of jeans that were quite obviously girls (that had tiny eyelets and laces up the leg). I pleaded, begged, and insisted that they were girls. “They’re unisex,” she said. The children at school (all of them) disagreed.
I was 18 years old sitting by the pool on a sunny Saturday afternoon. The pool was a rather special pool. It was situated in the American Airlines training academy in the Dallas/Fort Worth locale. I was in the most beautiful company any ordinary man could wish to enjoy. This place was swarming with bikini-clad goddesses in the form of trainee flight attendants.
There weren’t many other men there and of those men, I was fairly unique in my attraction to women.
So there I was, Mr Studly, 19 years old and eager to demonstrate to the bikinis that I was more than just a cute English accent.
What else could I do? I walked over to the edge of the pool and preformed the most elegant dive into the water. It’s a shame that the landing wasn’t quite so elegant. Landing? Landing isn’t a constituent part of the diving process! Oh yes it is if you dive into the shallow end.
I scraped my face along the bottom of the pool. I knew what I’d done. I could feel it and I could see the blood in the water. I had a moment of intense clarity whilst submerged and decided I was going to stay under until all the beauties had gone, or until I was dead, either was fine by me.
The next thing I know I’ve got bikini flesh pressed all over my own as I was escorted from the pool and used as a training dummy upon which to render emergency aid.
It was blissfully embarrassing. I’ll never forget it. Ever.
Dave Fowlers last blog post..Why I Want To Feel Hungry
Oh Writer Dad, that is EMBARASSING.
It’s like the time I was at school and my 14-year-old boyfriend’s mum bought him a pair of wool trousers for winter and they were really itching him. So one day he decided to wear a pair of his mum’s tights underneath to stop the irritation.
Only that day he got soaked on his walk to school and the form teacher insisted he take his trousers off to dry them off . . .
The poor sod has never ever lived it down because I eventually married him and still tell that story to his new bunch of mates!
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..Willy or won’t he? And thanks
Writer Dad – Wow, that IS bad. So, did the jury find you guilty of killing your mother or did they let you off?
Dave – Hmm, first you said you were 18, then 19, so am I supposed to believe the part about the gorgeous bikini clad women? Hmmm… Great story, though, even if you made up some of the details
Tara – So, *that’s* the reason your husband said he was wearing his mum’s tights, eh? Great story! I think I would have faked my own death if that happened to me.
Blogger Dads last blog post..Worst Album Covers Two : Electric Boogaloo
Yep. The only true thing is that bikini clad beauties pressed their flesh against mine. The rest is made up
Dave Fowlers last blog post..Why I Want To Feel Hungry
Hello, found you through Tara and Writer Dad! My story? I was in high school, sitting through an excruciatingly boring math class. My stomach was killing me from, um, a little gas. The pain was unbearable so I thought I’d just relieve the pressure a little. You know what I mean – small and quiet, no one would know. I think you know what happened. Not so small and not so quiet.
Oh myu gosh there’s so very many funnt stories here. I loved Tara’s hubby in tights and Writer dad and Dave’s tales of humiliation…LOL.
I remember the shame I felt having to go to school after experimenting with plucking my eyebrows, aged 13.
I didn’t know I was supposed to use tweezers, so I’d nicked one of mum’s Bic razors and haved a little bit here and a little bit there. You know what comes next, yes. I couldnt get them even and had to shave so much I ended up with two furry dots where my eyebrows once were.
I looked ridiculous, so i had to use mum’s eyeliner to draw in some fake eyebrows and pray no-one would notice the difference.
Everyone did of course and I was the butt (or should that be, brow) of their jokes until they grew back!
Mom/Mums last blog post..Bedlam
Dave – LOL!
Busymama Kellie – Thanks for stopping by. Wow, that IS embarrassing! … and funny.
Mom/Mum – LOL! Ouch, that is horrifying. And it couldn’t of happened at a worse time, an age when girls are at their most critical. Well, at least you didn’t draw them on with a marker.
I’ve been trying to select (from the many) one of my most embarrassing moments to write about for some time. I have yet to narrow it down. Or is it that I’m not ready to tell the best one yet. Not sure. What I can say is that as I was reading yours, I began to associate with those loser feelings. It’s amazing to me that after years go by, I can still go back to those feelings with just the slight prick of my memory of a specific event. Way to put yourself out there. It’s a hilarious story and I love your courage.
This post made me laugh and smile because I was able to visualize exactly the entire scene – it played in my head almost like a scene in a movie. Well done!
I discovered you because I’m currently reading up on Barbara from Blogging without a Blog and learned you did an interview of her. Since I wanted to learn a little more about her, I came here and read that.
Then this article caught my eye because I’ve had quite a few embarrassing moments myself, including the time I got snookered by a hooker because I didn’t want to wear my hearing aids one night.
Would you like to hear more about that story? If you do, let me know and I’ll give you a link to it – I wrote about it over at my blog but don’t want to leave a “self-serving” link in the comment section (I’ve learned a thing or two about doing that so I figured I better ask first).
Nice story! Bravo to allowing yourself to be transparent like that. Not many burly fellows would admit to having done something like this!
Stephen Hopsons last blog post..Stephen Hopson Interview with Jennifer Abbott of Principles of Peace, Part I of II
Busymama Kellie, I will never ever look at you in the same way again . . .
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusks last blog post..Willy or won’t he? And thanks
@Tara That is so wickedly funny!
My story? Oh, too many to choose from. The one that comes to mind is my brother-in-law’s wedding. I spent weeks shopping for that perfect dress. My husband would be in a tux, as would my oldest son-I had to look good- for balance, not vanity.
I ended up buying one of those “fit into a size smaller with spandex” thingies that sucks everything in and puts it all back where it belongs, and I topped it off with a cute little pair of strappy heels. BIG MISTAKE.
I was one of the last out of the church after the ceremony since I was videotaping. I got my heel stuck in the cobblestone at the TOP of the church steps and fell down 8 steps with the baby, camera, and my purse. I managed to protect the baby (and the camera) but I landed in front of my husband’s entire family with dress over boobs. They all saw my spandex covered derrière.
My husband came over to retrieve the baby and was laughing his head off. I got even with him by bleeding all over his truck on the way to the hospital to get my foot casted.
It was one of my finer moments.
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..Pick the Brain of Harrison McLeod of Men With Pens
Jamie: *snort*
Hahahahahahahaha hoooo hoooo hooo hoo ooooooo
That is soooo funny. I’m sorry but it is!
Dave Fowlers last blog post..Why I Want To Feel Hungry
@Dave At least no one snapped pictures of it. (This time)
B. Wilde – Thank you. I’m glad I could help bring out your inner loser
Don’t be shy, feel free to post your worst story. It’s good to be able to look back and laugh at yourself. Of course, if your most embarrassing moment was last Thursday, well, I guess some time might help heal those wounds.
Stephen – Glad to have you aboard. Feel free to post the link. I’m pretty liberal with my comment linking policy, so long as it adds to the conversation. Usually you can tell when someone is outright spamming. “Hey, nice site, check out my poker tips, erection pills, cheap insurance blog.”
Jamie AND Dave – Jamie, that’s funny! Glad you were able to protect the baby. Don’t worry about Dave, he’s just laughing so hard because that happened to him once.
Dave has had his skirt up around his boobs, huh? Interesting!
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..Pick Another Pen Men Brain: Charlie Pabst
Jamie – You don’t know Dave like I know Dave!
Nah, we always kid each other whenever an opportunity presents itself for a cheap joke.
Enjoying your posts! Your wife knows my most emb. story
I am a mother and a blond, so I have had lots of embarrassing moments! To name one: When I was newly married at 18 years old, I signed up for a beauty pageant. I was one of 50 girls and had to get up in front of a huge crowd, not to mention several judges. I was so nervous when it came time for me to speak, that as I announced who I was, I used my maiden name instead of my new last name. I stuttered and stammered and in the most blond way (and talking with my hands), I had to tell everyone that was not REALLY who I was, and explain why I messed up my name. Needless to say, I didn’t win the speaking category.
Jennifers last blog post..Re-Post: Parenting
Heather – I’ll have to ask her
Jennifer – Wow, that’s funny. Well, at least you won the humor category of the pageant!