Remember that post where I said how remarkable it is that my son hasn’t picked up any bad words from his foul-mouthed daddy?
Let’s just say up front that while I don’t curse on this blog, I am not shy about doing so around friends and (some) family. I come from a long lineage of orators well versed in verbal vulgarities and it’s a shame to let such an inherited skill go to waste.
My wife doesn’t agree so much. She constantly corrects me, telling me to watch my mouth around E, to which I usually say, “don’t worry, he doesn’t hear me.”
Well, um…
No better time to let loose with his first expletive than St. Patty’s Day, just a month shy of his second birthday.
E and I were lying on the living room floor building with popem blocks when my hand slipped and one of the pieces snapped up and almost hit E.
Startled, I said, “oh sh!t!” as I reached up to catch the block.
E looked at the blocks and said, “Sh!t!”
Oh.
My.
God.
My wife was fortunately in another room and I breathed a sigh of relief, trying my best also not to laugh at what he said.
You know how when you were a kid and you had a sleepover and you were SUPPOSED to be quiet? But instead, you were up half the night with a fit of the giggles that only got worse the more you knew you had to keep quiet.
Well, I was trying to hold it in. However, the word coming out of his mouth with the enthusiastic and oh-so-cute voice was just too much. I laughed. Hard.
E’s eyes lit up as he looked at the blocks and said, “Sh!t!”
Uh-oh.
I slowly made my way to the room my wife was in.
“Did you hear that?”
“No,” she said, looking up from her work, “what?”
I confessed.
She made that face that she makes when I do something incredibly stupid. I’ve seen that face a lot more since we had a kid, by the way.
“I TOLD YOU not to curse in front of him,” she reprimanded me, “he picks up on everything now!”
She would be mortified if he let loose with the S-word at daycare or around family.
In the past, she has threatened instituting a swear jar, to try to get me to curb my profanity. I laughed off such efforts. I’m not a child, I argued. This is me, this is how I talk. I usually keep it in check around mixed company. But a man should be able to say whatever he wants in his own house, right?
Of course, I forgot one simple rule. When you have children, your house is no longer your own.
I assured her that there’s nothing to worry about and he would quickly forget the word. She replied, “uh huh.”
“He never takes a word he heard ONLY once and makes it part of his vocabulary,” I assured her, “Trust me, it‘s already forgotten.”
I returned to the living room as E pointed at the blocks laughing and repeatedly saying…
“Sh!t. Sh!t.”
I am a HORRIBLE father!
And while I don’t get bent out of shape about things such as “bad language”, I certainly don’t want him to walk around acting like he’s a cast member of South Park.
I didn’t react to the word but instead tried to guide him towards a similar sounding word.
“Yeah, daddy’s going to SIT down. Oh look, the kitty is SITTING. Hey, come SIT down with daddy.”
“Sh!t”
Soon, it was bath time and I had an errand to run. I hoped that in my absence, he would forget his newfound word.
Five minutes after I got back, we were watching TV and E said, “Sh!t”
I looked at my wife, fully expecting lasers to come shooting out of her eyes all X-Men Cyclops-style.
She had no reaction.
Huh?
I whispered to her, “did you hear what he said?”
She then informed me that he was saying ‘what’s that’ which comes out “‘sthat”, which sounds a lot like “Sh!t” in his little voice.
So, maybe he didn’t curse.
Or maybe mommy is in full denial, refusing to accept that her precious baby is following in his father’s foul-mouthed footsteps.
At any rate, I’ll have to start doing a better job of watching my mouth. If not, I might have to apply for some bailout money just to pay my swear jar fees.
So, for those of you with kids, what was your child’s first swear word and how old were they?
Want BloggerDad delivered to your email every time I post? Well, you’re not alone. Join the literally tens of others who have already subscribed for free! Email not your thing? That’s okay, you can also subscribe via RSS – It’s also free.
Content is copyright 2009 BloggerDad.com. If you are reading this on any site other than www.Bloggerdad.com or your personal RSS reader, then you may be reading it on a site which steals content. And would you trust a site like that?
I have absolutely no words of consolidation for you. Instead I am sitting here with fond memories of Beavis and Butthead thinking, “Huh-huh-huh, huh-huh-huh. He said sh!t. Huh-huh-huh”
Marc – WelshScribes last blog post..Giving Appreciation and Honor To Entrepreneurs
Fortunately, my children have yet to swear (that I know about) but when we had the preschool, there was a 3 year old boy who came to school one day holding his stomach.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“My stomach feels like sh!t,” he said.
This was a kid who liked reaction so I gave him little. I simply told him he couldn’t say that at school.
“Okay,” he said, “but my stomach really does feel like sh!t,”
Writer Dads last blog post..Hi! I’m Mia
When my son was 4 he came home from nursery saying ‘I know what the f word means’.
My heart pounded in my chest and I felt sick and then he said
‘you should never ever say it because it’s mean and it upsets people’
Yay, I think, my grown up sensible boy.
‘I can spell it too’ he says
NOOOOO
And before I can stop him he says ‘F A T’.
Taras last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: I can explain, really I can. Ok, I can’t
I used to cuss like a sailor but I have been trying to cut back for a while. I think that is one of the beauties of the 9 month pregnancy. You get time to prepare yourself. Hopefully I can stick to it.
Otter Thomass last blog post..A Message From Our Sponsors
Since I don’t swear, and neither did my ex, I can’t remember what or when any of their first swear words were.
I do remember this, though… I was shredding cheese into a bowl on the counter, and my 5 year old was watching. The bowl slipped, fell to the floor, and scattered cheese all over. “Crap!” I said. I cleaned it up, and then started shredding more cheese.
The bowl slipped, and everything went all over the floor.
My daughter says solemnly, “Crap again, huh mom?”
GreenJellos last blog post..Blog Encouragement
Marc – heh, heh, you said Butthead.
Writer Dad – LOL. That’s funny.
Tara – LOL! Perhaps the WORST of all foul words!
Otter – Yeah, my wife tried to get me to change when she got pregnant. I wasn’t quite on board, though.
GreenJello – You DON’T swear?! But there’s so many expressive words which can only be found in the blue section of the word store!
Why say ‘crap’ when “Sh!t” sounds soooo much better in response to a bowl dropping? It’s guttural, strong and expresses the moment much better.
Don’t mind me, I’m just trying to drag more people over to my side in attempt to hang on to my wicked ways.
My kids do not swear and we did not when they were little – daughter number #2 first word put the f-word on the table everywhere she went…..her first word was DUCK….and she repeated this every time she saw one and everyone around her laughed out loud and usually looked shocked…she was so pleased with herself that the duck word became huge and dramatic – making more laughter and startle….
My youngest daughter was a ship full of swear words in High School along with the word “like” included at least 40 times per paragraph of speech….
oh the joys of parenting and what we teach our kiddos! Beware
Patricias last blog post..Announcing a Writing Contest – With a Financial Incentive!
Enjoyed your write-up. Can totally relate. My husband and I met in college, where communicating means every other word is a curse. Some of that carried over into our post-college life, and we had to clean up our act when the little ones came along. Every now and then, we slip, and naturally, the kids have bionic hearing when it comes to curse words.
My 10-year-old loves to try out new words, but she doesn’t always get them right. Recently, mimicking something she probably heard me say, I heard her comment about a kid she doesn’t like, “He’s such an ass-hold.” I didn’t know whether to correct her or scold her.
A four year old was expelled from our kindy for teaching the kids the f-word. My son would come home and call us f-heads. Just charming.
Luckily, after a few weeks of ignoring it, and a couple of “Look, that really isn’t a word we use around here – if you want to learn a f-word, try ‘frivolous’….(*blank stare*)”, it has gone away.
Until school starts
Sally, Snappy Sentencess last blog post..What a book about a hippo eating cake can teach us about writing
Yah, they’re total tape recorders. Oh, and they can always hear you.They have bionic ears. No kidding.
You could do what we did: enroll him in French school, where they don’t care what he says in English.
My little dude is a little weirded out by swearing and doesn’t do it. He does, however, sound exactly like his father when something breaks and he says God DAMN it. (Doesn’t count as swearing in our house, I realize others differ.)
Sonia Simones last blog post..Obey Me or Fail
I am really proud of myself for my vocab usage around my son. Generally very loose lipped, and full of expletives before becoming a parent, and still without infant company, even with family, like my parents. It takes really concentration to not use foul language. However I did introduce my son to the ‘F’ word, he asked why some folks on the school run were blocking the street while they chatted, and I replied, without engaging bleep machine “They are F******* about son.” Woopsy, luckily only repeated once straight away, and not since.
SingleParentDads last blog post..Are You Looking At Me?
Hee! Hee! Hee! It could have been worse.
When my oldest son was 5 he came home with some questionable language which he continuously attributed to the same little boy. One day he called his father (now my ex) a pu**y. IN CONTEXT!! Being the foul-mouthed one in the family … I couldn’t help but laugh uncontrollably. When asked where he heard such a thing he, again, named the same little boy in his kindergarten class. The next day … said boy’s mother called me to say how our boys had grown SO close and she wanted my son to come over for a play date. Um, yeah … that was an unpleasant “my kid is never coming to your house” conversation. She was speechless but did not question my logic. She knew. Oh, yes, she knew.
~beths last blog post..Lamentations
He was maybe eighteen months, and it was “Crap!”
I think I’ll milk this for a blog post…thanks for the fodder!!
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Kyddryns last blog post..Leftover Faith and Begorrrrrra
Hahaha, this brings back memories. My daughter was about two and she was walking up the stairs saying, “Shit, shit, shit.” She wasn’t angry or upset, just saying it. That’s when I realized I better clean up my act!
Lorans last blog post..Springtime in Texas
Too funny. I love your description of how you tried to hold back your laughter…and more than failed.
I think all three of our girls (ages 8, 11 and 12) are pretty aware of what the “bad” words are, but they also know they shouldn’t say them. My husband and I have this thing we do, when we’re listening to music that occasionally drops the f-bomb—especially if we’re driving somewhere as a family, and the kids are a captive audience. We realize where the song is headed, and then we both cough/clear our throats loudly, at the appropriate time. The girls know what’s happening, and find it very funny.
I also think it’s really funny to hear what words kids *think* are bad. Recently our 8-year-old said something about “a bad word that starts with H.” I was confused by the context of our conversation, so I finally got her to tell me what the word was: “Hitler.”
Kristin T. (@kt_writes)s last blog post..Go ahead—ask me about my divorce
*chuckles* Well, you’ve really done it now. lol My response would be to answer, “Block”. Odds are he’s looking for the name of the object and, since you gave such a warm response to his calling them THAT word, maybe that’s what they’re called.
He’s so clever you know, that’s how the mind works.
Still, it’s really cute. And sh!t is actually a rather difficult word to say. So, applauds all around.
Now you’ve got a whole list of other impressive words to teach him. If you teach him now then someday you could make a fortune implementing a swear jar for him.
Rebecca Laffar-Smiths last blog post..Book Review: George Singleton’s Pep Talks, Warnings & Screeds
Patricia – What a first word! LOL
Susan – LOL! I’ll have to add that to my catalog! And yes, it’s amazing the things kids can hear when they WANT TO. Yet, if you tell my son it’s time to change his diaper, he plays deaf.
Sally – Thanks for stopping by. Wow! That’s pretty crazy. At least he had the creativity to add a word on to the end of it!
Sonia – Thanks for the visit. As for GD, I’m NOT even allowed to say that in my house! Although, it was the first curse word I said as a child, everytime we pulled up to a train track and the gate came down, my dad would say, “GD!” I started copying him, which brought about a swift scolding, and laughter, years later. As for French school, I’m afraid there’s nothing like that around here.
SingleParentDad – Welcome to the site. I feel you on the struggle! Funny story on the “F’in about!”
beth – Thanks for coming by. Hey, thanks for the idea! Now I know how to keep MY HOUSE from becoming the destination house for playdates. GENIUS!
Kyddryn – Glad I could inspire you. I look forward to your post.
Loran – welcome to the site. That is funny! And pretty much how I wake up every morning.
Kristin – Hey, nice to see you here. Thanks for the nice words. H-word = funny! As for the f-bomb laced music, I know what you mean. I’m always having to turn down the Veggie Tales right before they launch into a barrage of f-bombs!
Baby Girl went to school and taught all the other kids how to say Damnit. She was two and a half. And yes, she learned it from me. This might not have been so bad but a few months before she had to spend the night in the hospital for a fever and she convinced all the kids in her class that it was fun and they should try it out, and the next month we went to Disney World (enough said). By the end of the summer I don’t think I was on the “most favorite mom” list with the other parents.
Jennifers last blog post..Smile real pretty and wave…
Pingback: Farewell to The F Word — Blogger Dad
Don’t worry, you won’t have to curb yourself for more than 10 or 11 years. Once they’re in middle school, they learn all the cool words from the other kids, and your own cussing is hopelessly passe. I actually didn’t cuss when he was little (“oh, fudgemonkeys!!!” never counted as an actual real swear), but apparently have started up again with abandon, or so my fellow cube-dwellers claim. (If their wild tales can be believed, my heartfelt response to most things that happen on my computer is a muttered “Oh, f*** me, you stupid piece of crap.” (Yes, crap. I’ll say the f-word, but not the s-word. Logic and consistency are for other people.)
My dad was another story. He and my son (who was around 2 at the time) used to play the “Shut Up Game,” during car rides. They’d both be sitting in the back, and my mother and I would be in front. If somebody would honk their horn, dad would always say “oh, shut up”. One day, my son joined in, and my dad started to laugh. They spent the next 20 minutes laughing and saying “shut up” repeatedly to each other. I told my dad he was toast if the daycare called me at any later point to complain about this (which, of course, they did, about a week later). Dad kept it up, claiming grandparent’s privilege, which was also mom’s argument when she taught my son to flick peas across the table at a (fairly nice) restaurant we often went to. If I had ever done either thing when I was little, I would have been in a world of trouble, but somehow this does not apply to grandkids.
sh!t happens. i wish i were making this up. here’s the scene: we’re at church. i’ve JUST come down from dedicating my 19 month old daughter to the Lord. praying with my pastor in front of the ENTIRE congregation, and promising to raise her in a loving a Christ-like way. she’s a bit cranky from the attention (she’s not crazy about strangers, and she didn’t recognize the pastor), so my husband takes her to the “cry room” (a room where parents can see and hear the service, but not disturb others)…….
she’s sitting on his lap. then she stands and starts singing “sh!t, sh!t, sh!!!!!!t, shhhhhh!t, ssssssssssssh!t” and every other variation she can come up with.
i really wish i were making that up…..
sh!t happens. i wish i were making this up. here’s the scene: we’re at church. i’ve JUST come down from dedicating my 19 month old daughter to the Lord. praying with my pastor in front of the ENTIRE congregation, and promising to raise her in a loving a Christ-like way. she’s a bit cranky from the attention (she’s not crazy about strangers, and she didn’t recognize the pastor), so my husband takes her to the “cry room” (a room where parents can see and hear the service, but not disturb others)…….
she’s sitting on his lap. then she stands and starts singing “sh!t, sh!t, sh!!!!!!t, shhhhhh!t, ssssssssssssh!t” and every other variation she can come up with.
i really wish i were making that up…..
flash forward two years. three days shy of her third birthday, we’re lying in bed and talking, when out of the blue, i hear “mommy. you say sh!t, and you say d!mn, and you say f**king. but i don’t say those words. i only say cute words”
at least she gets the concept, right?????? RIGHT?????????
Jennifer – Wow, that’s hysterical!
kalieris – LOL! I say the same thing to computers all the time! Except I don’t say “crap”. The shut up game sounds like a blast! Maybe the grandparents would like to take over for daycare?
mugglemama – That is awesome! I would LOVE to have been there for the church incident.