In light of the recent Tiger Woods controversy, and his subsequent apology to his wife for his transgressions, I’d like to take this moment to confess and apologize for my own transgressions.
Although I am a well-known blogger and have made my career in the white hot spotlight of blogging, that doesn’t make my life an open book for media vultures. Sure, I sold my son’s baby photos to People Magazine for millions, named my son Sony in exchange for a Playstation 3, and regularly spill the most intimate of details of my family’s life in my blog, podcast, Twitter and in other various social media avenues, but I still value the virtue of my privacy.
I must ask that the tabloids and my tens of readers respect my family in this, our most troubled and personal of times, as we attempt to pick up the pieces and carry on some semblance of a normal life.
At any rate, here is a list of my transgressions and an apology.
I’m sorry to my wife for the following:
- When I say I cleaned the litter box yesterday, I usually meant that I cleaned it six days ago.
- Sometimes when I do the dishes, and come across a particularly nasty stuck-on mess, I throw the dishes away rather than wash them.
- All those times I said it wasn’t me who farted …. it was.
- Sometimes I leave the toilet seat up on purpose. Why? I figure that since you’re shorter, and thus closer to the toilet, it’s easier for you to put the seat down rather than having me bend down each and every time I need to urinate.
- Sometimes I cry tear up during sad movies. And football games.
- Remember how I said we needed to cancel cable a year ago to save money? It was really just an effort to avoid watching weepy Lifetime movies.
- Sometimes when I say I need to go to the bathroom, I am really just sneaking in some private reading time.
I hope my that sponsors, namely Bob’s Big Ass Big and Tall, will understand and continue to support me.
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