E in church, getting his prayer on.
One of the most popular posts here at Blogger Dad was Farewell to the F Word. This tells me that I’m not alone in my failed attempts to keep the language G-Rated around my son. I try. Boy, do I try.
But it’s hard to reverse years DECADES of being so well versed in curse.
I’m happy to say I have curbed my use of the F Word almost completely around my son. In fact, I don’t think I’ve slipped even once, other than the time we got cut off by someone more than a year ago.
But my three year old son, E, has a great memory. And he doesn’t forget a word as Awesome as the F Word. Oh, no. Not my son.
Which is why my wife is mad at me tonight. While they were at church service today, in the middle of a sermon, my son just blurted out the F Word for absolutely no reason whatsoever!
She said nobody looked at them, but there’s no way that nobody heard them. Come on, someone should’ve at least laughed. Right?
My wife, who is all proper and generally opposed to my vulgarities, is now mortified and probably sees this as a permanent black mark against her as a Horrible Mom or something.
And she maintains that it’s my fault he said the F Word.
“Why? Because I said it once in the car in front of him, it’s my fault?”
“No,” she said, “he heard you when you’re in the kitchen.”
Well, that’s the kitchen! Who hasn’t dropped the F Bomb in the kitchen? In all fairness, I’ve not said the F Word in the kitchen (above a whisper when I can’t find the damned forks – where do all the forks go in this house?!) However, I slipped the other night, when I was opening an “easy open” cat food can and the lid sliced right through my finger. I screamed, “Mother!” but no F Word followed. I’d say that’s some incredible restraint on my behalf.
But nope, I’m in the doghouse. And my wife will probably be excommunicated from the church.
To me, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s not like he says bad words often. He’s a genuinely sweet kid who is well behaved and kind, considerate, and all the things you’d want for in a son. So, he said a bad word. In church. That doesn’t make him the Antichrist.
Now, having said all that, I have to tell you a REALLY FUNNY story about the F Word.
This isn’t the first time this week my son said the F Word.
He was playing with his Pixar Cars the other night, making them crash into one another and recreating scenes from the movie, which he’s seen like a billion zillion times. All of a sudden, he, in the voice of Lightning McQueen, blurts out the F Word!
My wife, who was sitting next to me on the couch, turned to me immediately like we’d been home all day cursing up a storm out of her direct supervision!
No, I explained, surely he didn’t say that. It’s been a long time since he’s said it.
Then he said it again. As clear as daylight.
“What did you say?” my wife asked him.
“F*&k,” E said, with no trace of guilt, shame, or knowing he’d said a Bad Word.
“Why did you say that?” she asked.
“Cars say F*&k when they crash.”
And I could not contain my laughter.
My wife gave me that look … you know the one.
“What?” I whispered to her later, “he’s RIGHT. Cars DO say the F Word when they crash!”
She didn’t appreciate the humor of it. Nobody ever appreciates comedy greatness in its time.
Someday, though, maybe she will. Who am I kidding?
I am so F Word-ed.
So, what’s the worst thing your kid has ever said in front of other people?
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Two boys almost 5 and 2 1/2 and I don’t have any stories to report to help ease the conscience. It helps when neither my wife or I curse….I am not even sure he has heard ‘bad words’ even in public that I can remember. It also helps that he’s really very shy, so even if he had something to say he’d keep it to himself in public. The little guy is not the same, but he’s probably too early to get into trouble.
.-= The Happy Rock´s last blog ..Plugging the Holes in Your Budget =-.
F**kin’ hysterical!
Aww bless! Unfortunately my almost-5-yr old now says it in context when he thinks I’m not able to hear… along with “what the hell” too. >_<
I've given up trying to tell him to not say it – now I just tell him not to get caught or he'll get into BIG trouble…
.-= Marylin´s last blog ..People keep telling me… =-.
i actually don’t mind my kids swearing, as long as it is used sparingly and appropriately. saying that thy don’t say F*** they tend to stick with SH****
.-= Dan´s last blog ..In which I’m uncharacteristically sociable =-.
LOL no wonder you’re in trouble.
My little girl went through a naughty phase when she was about three, just after I had my son so I think it was a but of an attention seeking thing – Her greatest moments were….
‘For F**ks sake’ when she fell over in a carpark.
‘Don’t Pi55 me off’ when she was being told off by her dad
And my personal favourite – ‘Grandad, you’re doing my f***king head in!’
Beat those if you can lol
I’m so pleased we’re past that now and she wouldn’t dream of saying anything remotely naughty….
Oh, I just thought of another one ‘Dad why are you a nob?’ Wonder where she got that one from
I always blame everything on the other kids at daycare. Hopefully nobody will put two and two together and realize my kids don’t go to daycare.
Once when #2 son was a toddler and wasn’t really speaking that clearly we passed by a construction site and shouted “Look mommy a digger!” but my the look the black lady standing next to us gave us, I think perhaps he didn’t articulate well enough.
Oh and once son #1, who was in a stroller well past age 3 until finally I decided I’d had enough and told him he had to walk because he was a big boy now, yelled at a lady in a wheel chair “Hey you! You have to walk! You’re too big for a stroller!” I wish I’d known he had Asperger’s then so I could have blamed it that.
Have you ever considered teaching E more curse words, then just telling people he has Tourettes? Because right now you’re kind of in a gray area with just one word every now and then, even if it’s the really, really bad one. But if you have him pepper all his language with profanity, then you can just shrug in silent surrender.
I am too mortified to form proper sentences for a response.
Well, there truly is nothing better than a well placed F word…. however it is really hard to stick with that when your teen is repeating the latest funny from fail blog and the like…. especially when it’s blurted out over breakfast.
Perhaps while you’re enjoying more floor time with E you can gently replace the F crashes with something more suitable for a 3yo…. good luck.
I think your wife should count her blessings that the people in church didn’t actually look. If they did, and they caught a glimpse of who she and your son were, then they’d never let you two live it down! Believe me, I’ve experienced it all, and it’s not very pleasant having eyes on you everywhere you go, whether it’s to the local shops or just in your garden de-weeding.
One day my just 6 year old son came home from school all excited telling us how a schoolmate used the “S” word all day.
We were sad, as we had theretofore successfully kept him shielded from Carlin’s list.
I am not a particularly big user of curse words, but I have my moments. When he was born I began using inane alternatives and nonsense sounds whenever I hammered my thumb. (Which is often.)
But after he told us that he used the “S” word in front of the teacher during story time and that she said nothing about it we started wondering.
So we moved his younger sister out of the room and said quietly “We’re glad you realize he used a bad word and you’re not supposed to say it. But, could you tell us the word?”
He answered: “Stupid!”
.-= JJT´s last blog ..JJT: Catching a Wave http://bit.ly/cQwBXe =-.
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I consider cursing potentially healthy for the soul. Cursing should be done sparingly, the less often the better, making for greater impact. That’s how I curse, strictly for emphasis, and that’s how my son and daughter curse, too. Cursing can be a blessing.
I agree: the kitchen should be an F-word-free safe zone. With us, it’s spoons. Where the f*#k do they go?
Can I blame you the next time I blurt out the F-word in an inappropriate setting? Too bad! I will anyway.