Staring into the future with fingers crossed (Part 1)
Parenthood is full of memorable and significant firsts – the first time your baby smiles, laughs, crawls, walks and says their first words. There’s also a not so memorable first – the first time you realize you are powerless to protect them from the world.
Earlier this summer, I took my son (E) to a small neighborhood park. It was our first such trip without my wife. It was just “us guys.” I wasn’t sure what we would do at the park, as most of the playground equipment is for older children. However, E enjoys the toddler swing.
He also LOVES watching other people.
There were 10 or so children at the park, one who was close to E’s age, all the rest of them a bit older, ranging from four to nine years old. They were accompanied by mostly stay at home moms and some grandparents. I was the only young dad there.
As I pushed E in the swing, his eyes were on the other children. His attention was drawn to the closest group, four boys and one girl who were climbing a rope mountain. They were engaged in talk of who could climb higher, and who was “king of the mountain.” One boy, about five years old, proudly exclaimed that he was “queen of the mountain.” He wasn’t trying to be funny, he just didn’t know better. He reminded me of Ralph Wiggum from The Simpsons. From a nearby bench, a six year old girl, who I took to be his older sister, crossed her arms, correcting the boy, “You can’t be a queen, you’re a boy.”
I thought it was funny how this girl, who was barely older than the boy, was mimicking a maternal way of talking to the boy as she crossed her legs and her arms as her mother must surely do when correcting the children. It was a funny moment which drew my interest as well as my son’s. I watched how the children interacted and my mind flashed forward to thoughts of how my son will interact with others as he grows. Will he fit in or will he be like me, painfully shy and a bit of an outcast?
I’m hoping he won’t be shy. He is a very friendly child and has one advantage that I didn’t have as a toddler. He goes to daycare, where he gets to interact with lots of children his own age. He also has a few family and friends similar in age who he sees on occasion. So, he is getting key socialization skills early in life, which I hope will make a difference.
After he got tired of swinging, I stood him up in the sand and we started walking, looking for something else he could do. I decided to just follow his lead and see where he wanted to go. But he wasn’t moving.
He just stood there in the middle of the playground, watching everybody, absentmindedly folding his hands together.
I spotted a ball about 10 yards away, close to the fence which surrounds the park. E loves balls, so I went to get it. I thought he might follow me.
Instead, he stayed put. Watching.
I picked up the ball and was heading back, when I stopped in my tracks. This was the first time I’d ever observed E from afar, on his own, surrounded by others. I was getting a rare chance to see how he interacts without my interference.
I stood there, watching him watch the other kids as he sucked on his paci.
He was absolutely adorable.
I was curious if he would approach anyone or if anybody would approach him. If so, what would happen next?
He just stood there, quiet and curious. His big blue eyes were wide and innocent, taking everything in as his head tilted from one direction to another. While a few kids looked at him as they ran by, E was too young to garner much interest, save for the occasional comment from girls who would say, “Oh, how cute,” as they ran by.
I wondered if he was afraid to approach anyone. Maybe he didn’t know what to do. When your vocabulary is limited to a few words, it’s probably hard to strike up conversations. I tried to imagine what he was thinking and how he was feeling.
It occurred to me at that moment how incredibly vulnerable he was. Just standing there, all by himself, in a sea of chaos. And while I was standing nearby, watching over him in case he fell or some jerky kid knocked him down, I realized for the first time that I will not always be there to watch over and protect him.
And all at once, my heart broke. I wanted to run over and scoop him up and hug him.
So, I did.
(Click here to read Part Two)
(note: I wasn’t sure if I was going to post this story, as it felt a bit too personal – for reasons which will become clear tomorrow. However, I was inspired by my buddy, Sean (Writer Dad) Platt’s rather personal and touching post and I decided to share, despite my uneasiness.)
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20 Responses to “Staring into the future with fingers crossed (Part 1)”
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Thanks Dave. That was a really sweet story. I’m excited to read tomorrow’s. I would give anything to be a fly on the wall around my children; observe them in the natural habitat. For our parents, last Christmas, we let them all hide in our sunroom and watch their children sing songs outside. The kids didn’t know their parents were there. They were all melting.
Writer Dads last blog post..Can I Read My WeeBook in Oz?
That was such a heart warming and heart melting story. I too have had those moments with my boys and just cannot bear to think about the days ahead when they won’t want to cuddle and Mummy wont’ be the first person they tell their dreams and secrets too.
Now, I need to go get another Kleenex…
I love watching people, especially people who are watching people. My son is like yours, very inquisitive. I sometimes wonder if he’ll be shy like his mother, or outgoing like me. Or both, in his own little way.
Blogger Dad that was just lovely.
It’s so nice to read a dad’s perspective on their young children and you word is so beautifully. Really, it’s so heartwarming to hear a father wax lyrical about his children – not enough do it in my opinion.
I was actually just putting together a post about how some blogs can really move you, think I’ll have to quickly go back in and add you in there!
By the way, “painfully shy and a bit of an outcast” – I absolutely don’t believe you!
Taras last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: How many of you can relate to this little scenario?
What a delightful post! I remember watching my boys doing much the same. Very young children are definitely very curious about other children, especially those a bit older. They stand and stare, oblivous to anything else!
I don’t know how old you are (!) but I am struck by the enjoyment you get out of your son. I had mine before I was ready and I found them very difficult indeed. There were moments like you describe above, but it was also a very fraught time. I wish I had been older and more settled and able to enjoy them more as you are doing now:(
Scribbles last blog post..Getting the Teen.
Glad you did (post); prepare yourself for many, many more such moments.
On the subject of kids observing others, there seems to be a time in early infancy (and I’m sure Freud missed it) when other children become the most fascinating objects in the world. Charlie’s just about there now, and it’s wonderful to see.
David,
That was a great post. I am glad you shared it and I can’t wait to look see what is in store tomorrow. It is amazing how much, when we finally realize it, that we will be unable to totally protect our little ones.
My little girl is now 2 and she is already off on her own. I still tense up when we go to the park and a bigger kid runs by her. I think to myself “if that kid pushes her over, I am going to go throw them off the top of the tallest slide.” When it does happen though, I get to see the resiliancy of my daughter, she gets back up, dusts herself off and goes on about her business like nothing happened.
Talk about forgiveness in the most inocent sense of the word. I don’t think she even knows what it means, she just forgets that it ever happened. She will even start playing with the kid that just knocked her over. It is amazing to watch. Train up a child in the way he should go and as he gets older, will not depart from it.
Sals last blog post..Paper or Plastic With Writer Dad
I’m such a sap, as I brush away a few tears. This was lovely. These moments are so precious they ache, don’t they? Enjoy them. It’s wonderful you’re memorializing them because your children will very much want them, too, as they come to know you differently when they grow.
Betsys last blog post..BAIL-OUT — YOUR TRAVEL BUDGET AND YOUR LIFE
those moments are so bittersweet. You want your kids to experience the world but then you don’t want the world to experience them.
Jen, buried with childrens last blog post..Writer’s Workshop: Fear
Writer Dad -Thank you. That was a very sweet thing that you did for the parents.
Mom/Mum – Thank you. I imagine it’s tougher for mothers than fathers.
Matthew – I’m sure whatever he is, he’ll likely be writing.
Tara – Thank you, I’m honored to be included in your post. As for the shy thing, yeah, it’s true. I have forced myself to change over time, it was absolutely necessary in my job reporting.
Scribble – Thank you. I’m 38, though I don’t feel much different than I did in my 20’s. I’m still impatient. I never considered myself someone that would be able to handle kids. I like quiet and uninterrupted time to work, which doesn’t fit with parenting. Fortunately, my wife is extremely good at parenting and we try to back each other up when things get rough and give the other a break.
Tim – Thank you. My son seems to be interested in watching people of all ages. He ESPECIALLY seems to love watching old people. He will seek them out and smile, wave and anything else he can do to get them to look at him. It’s funny and cute.
Sal – Thank you. You should probably save beating up other children till the time your daughter starts dating! And yes, it’s awesome to see how well kids can interact and not hold grudges.
Betsy – Thank you, and yes, these moments do ache.
Jen – You said that perfectly, and it is kind of hints at where Part 2 is going.
He’s not shy, he’s studying his prey.
Honestly, I think the ones who watch, listen, truly observe the chaos – they’re looking for and finding the patterns. When he’s older, he’ll know who is alpha, who is beta, who is omega…and he’ll know just how to insert himself into the group without disrupting the dynamic.
Rare and wonderful, the occasions when one may watch without the observation influencing behavior. Looking forward to the rest of the tale…
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Kyddryns last blog post..Feh!
I love watching my 3 year old when he doesn’t know I’m there. Little kids are so amazing in how they interact with others and even their toys.
LizPs last blog post..04/05/08 Good Advice
BD, totally cool article. Loved it.
Dads in touch with their feelings? Whatever next?
I honestly don’t understand why you questioned publishing this. It doesn’t undermine you, it shows you’re a great bloke.
I was shy as a kid and I’m shy as an adult. I don’t want my kids to grow up the same way. I don’t want them to be precocious either but there’s a happy medium to be found.
I wish I could still stare like children do. I often want to stare and have a good look, but it’s not the done thing.
Looking forward to part two, you soppy fool.
Dave Fowlers last blog post..Flaps. Check. Undercarriage. Check.
Glad to see Sean rubbing off on you! I feel for you in wanting to protect your son. It hit me hardest when my oldest went to kindergarten.
I have two boys who are completely opposite. One is a social butterfly- never met a stranger (like me). The other is shy and quiet (like my husband). I’ve noticed the littlest one interacting with others more and making friends more readily because his brother encourages him and provides an example.
Your son can learn to be a happy medium when it comes to socialization.
Jamie Simmermans last blog post..Picking the Brain of Naomi Dunford
Aw, how sweet! I’d run over and hug that little guy too if I saw him standing on the playground:) Can’t wait to see him again. Thanks for sharing on your blog.
Woops, somehow I forgot to go back and check the comments on the first part.
Kyddryn – LOL. That’s a good point, hopefully his observation will pay off.
LizP – I agree. I like watching my son when he’s ‘reading’ his books. He often points at the pictures and rambles on in his toddler gibberish.
Dave – Thank you. I questioned writing this because the second part is a rather depressing look back at my childhood. I didn’t want to write something seeking sympathy. Yet, at the same time, I wanted to speak to my fears.
Jamie – Yes, Writer Dad has been an inspiration to many of us. I will try to make sure he sees my more conversational and friendly side.
Heather – Hey, fancy meeting you here. Thank you for stopping by. And I can’t wait till you visit. Maybe now that he’s a bit older, he’ll recognize the twin factor and scratch his head wondering, “I have two mommies?”
It’s so fascinating to see our children take interest in other kids as they are starting into the social scenes of playground society. We had our daughter in a singing group when she was four. The thing was, she learned the songs, wore the performance dress and attended all the performances. She just didn’t sing when she was up in front of people. It wasn’t that she was shy. She was just too interested in watching the boy on her left and the girl on her right. I guess people watching begins at a young age. She is now thirteen and still loves to watch others with amazement.
B. Wildes last blog post..Being Volunteered to Shovel-out the Barn
That photo is so sweet, and it shows just the things you write about — the innocence and the vulnerability.
Dots last blog post..Haiku Friday
B. Wilde – That’s a cute story. Yeah, I guess people watching is a lifelong obsession.
Dot – Thank you, I appreciate the nice words. My wife took the photo. Although I’ve taken some good shots in my time, my wife has taken all the best shots of our son.