E Crying Dec. 2008
My two year old son (who is turning three next week), E, is at an age where he understands things on a deeper level than ever. However, with that understanding comes new confusion for him.
We were at my parents’ house last night sitting in the dining area and talking while E was sitting on the couch watching his new favorite show, Dora the Explorer. Suddenly he came running up to us, face red, mouth wide-open, tears streaming down his face.
I started to look him over, thinking he might have hurt himself somehow. He could barely talk through the tears and I felt his stomach tightening up (as it does moments before he gets upset and pukes everywhere).
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Swiper swiped the key!” he cried, upset that the cartoon fox, Swiper, took a key from Dora.
Upset by a cartoon—a cartoon made for preschoolers.
My wife soothed him, explaining that Dora would get the key back. E went back to the couch and waited to see what would happen. And sure enough, a few minutes later, Dora did, in fact, get the key back. E wiped tears from his eyes and continued to watch.
On the ride home, my wife explained to me that E doesn’t understand that Dora isn’t real.
I asked him questions, as I tend to do, to try to figure out how he thinks about things. I often wonder how he interprets the world around him. It’s amazing to watch how infants transform from a blank slate to a person who thinks and acts in their own unique way.
However, now as he is out in the world more and seems to understand more (sometimes surprisingly complex things), I tend to overestimate what he grasps.
“Is Swiper your friend?” I asked.
“No,” E said. “He’s not my friend.”
Okay, maybe that simply means he doesn’t like Swiper, though he does like to repeat Swiper’s catch phrase, “Oh man!”
“How about Dora, is she your friend?”
“No, she’s not been to my house,” he said – his way of saying that she’s on the TV. He understands, perhaps in some way, that she’s not real. Or at least there is some distance between them that is not easily crossed.
Too Sensitive?
E is a good-natured boy. He is kind, he shares (as much as any toddler his age does), and he expresses affection often.
But he is also SUPER sensitive.
He was recently upset in the grocery store when he saw a woman playfully smack her little girl on the arm.
He shouted, (just a few feet away from the mom and her child)
“She hit her! SHE’S NAUGHTY!”
In addition to being super sensitive, he seems to be super idealistic and gets upset when someone does something they’re not supposed to do. Which is why he was so mad at Swiper, who had taken something from Dora.
E was very distressed and worried that Dora wouldn’t get her key back. And as silly as it might seem to those of you who aren’t his parent, it’s somewhat heartbreaking to see him go through those emotions. He is too young to feel such things, my gut says.
However, at what age should a child be introduced to the ills of the world, such as a thieving fox? That people aren’t always nice?
Part of me thinks he should not watch the show anymore.
Except that he LOVES Dora.
And the show’s educational segments engage him in ways no other show has. For instance, he talks back to the TV when Dora asks questions. For some odd reason, Dora requires or asks him to say, “backpack” and “map” which, for some odd reason, Dora can’t quite hear him, so she asks him to repeat himself, only a bit louder. Anyone walking by my house at the right moment would surely hear E yelling at the top of his lungs, “BACKPACK!” and “MAP!”
He also watches the show with such an attention to detail and level of response that it is almost as if he is in a classroom – so I know he is learning from it.
However, is he too young to learn about mean and sneaky swipers?
Perhaps it’s better to allow him to learn about negative things now, in a way that he can digest and understand them? Maybe that’s why Swiper is on the show?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter.
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Just be thankful he didnt’ watch Old Yeller. Or Bambi. Or Pinochio. Or Dumbo.
Geez, now that I think of it…Disney traumatized a LOT of kids!
Yeah, I think animators of old musta hated kids. Or perhaps kids were just tougher then?
.-= Blogger Dad´s last blog ..Swiper – No Swiping! =-.
@Friar – never mind the kids, Bambi traumatised a lot of adults… me included.
Only good thing is that we don’t actually see the dirty deed, we only hear the gun shot.
That’s bad enough for me!
.-= Keith Davis´s last blog ..Flying in formation =-.
You let him watch TV, at such a young age? You’ve got to be kidding me. No wonder he’s traumatized…..
Really just kidding, we all survived Wyle E. Coyote, right?
I’m a fan of teaching them that life isnt fair, at age appropriate levels. I am also a fan of watching the special programs kids enjoy with them… for guidance.
I do hope you can roll with things well into their adult hood… I’m sure you get that it’s always going to hurt when our kids suffer. While he’s so little, and it’s traumatic to process the hurts, there can be hurts one never foresees, or prepares for. So, honour his sensitive side, and teach him resilience along the way.
Best, Trina
Thanks. And yeah, cartoons were messed up back in the day. I would never let E watch Tom and Jerry or The RoadRunner or any of those shows.
Though I also originally said I’d not let him watch TV for the first few years. So …
.-= Blogger Dad´s last blog ..Swiper – No Swiping! =-.
You look at today’s cartoon’s and then look at what we (I’m 35) watched as a kid. I think ours had more violence than what they have today. I think it is a fine line though.
I have a 2 1/2 and a 6 year old and I don’t want them growing up too sheltered. I guess the questions is what age do you start letting them see the real world? My daughter is already questioning Santa and told us the other day that she knows that the characters at Disney are just people in suits. But she still likes getting her book signed by them.
We live in Florida and as you may or may not have seen the news on Casey Anthony (http://www.wesh.com/caseyanthony/index.html) My daughter did see the news coverage, at the time it was all over the place. She asked us how someone could do that to their daughter. I wish it was something she never saw, but she pays more attention than you realize.
So I guess finding out swiper is not a nice guy pales to the true things they can learn about by just watching the news or previews of the news.
.-= Rick Earley´s last blog ..The public tantrums! =-.
It’s a hard thing to come to terms with the fact that our kids won’t stay innocent forever. Some day they will know about all the evils in the world. My twins (age 6) recently found out that babies can actually die. BABIES! Just like their little sister. They were pretty appalled. I guess they thought there were some magical baby powers that kept harm at bay. There’s a fine line between preparing your kids for the real world and scaring the heck out of them! Just listen to your gut… Your little E will get through it. We all do.
Dora is awesome.
And yes, every children’s story needs a good guy and a bad guy. It`s how they learn good from bad.
Since that distinction is not always clear, even to us, adults, the differences have to be very obvious for children. So the good guy is very good. And the bad guy is very bad. That does cause some tears, once in a while.
What`s actually great about Dora, is that there are episodes where they show that Swiper also has a good side. And, of course, Dora shows forgiveness.
TV is almost all us parents need
Our daughter just turned 3 and loves Dora, and Swiper! She has a little stuffed Swiper (a little bit bigger than a beanie baby) and at bedtime after I’ve read her one of her Dora books, she gets her little Swiper and has him swipe the book and take it back to her bookcase. I thank Swiper for being so helpful and she brings him back to me for a hug and kiss, and then he goes back in the stuffed toy basket.
Does E like Imagination Movers on Disney? There aren’t any bad guys in that show.
Hi Blogger Dad
Thanks. So I guess finding out swiper is not a nice guy pales to the true things they can learn about by just watching the news or previews of the news.
I’m also a webmaster.
Thanks again
Great post. Instead of keeping him away of something he may fear or be against, like swiper, i think this is a good opportunity to teach him that “shit happens.” What if Dora didn’t get the key back? What then?
.-= Anthony from CharismaticKid´s last blog ..The New Parent: Bob Novogratz from “9 by Design” =-.
I know this doesn’t give you advise. But Disney has a bad track record with me. I am now twenty, but as a child I watched “Weenie The Pooh” like an addict. I was (like your son) very sensitive. Eeyore was always so horribly sad and for a sensitive child that was… Not good.
For months, I watched that show and prayed that Eeyore would finally be happy. That something would happen to cheer him up. I felt so horrible for him, I often cried.
Anyway, to get to the trauma. After praying for months for Eeyore to be happy, and constantly being dissappointed, I prayed for him to die. Because, I thought he would be happy in heaven. Every night before I went to bed, I would ask God to take him to heaven, and make him happy. (Being a child who was allowed to watch horror movies at a very young age, I also asked God to make his death painless. But that’s not relavant.)
Now I’m the person who prayed for the death of one of America’s most beloved childrens characters. My family regularly reminds me of that.
There isn’t much more to the story, only that I was about five at the time. (Children are so sweet!) I wouldn’t worry about your son, he’ll grow into his own person on his own terms. You can’t change how something he see’s or experiences is going to change him, he’ll work it out for himself. I wouldn’t worry about it until he’s older. I was five, and I think I turned out okay.
Note that the last paragraph was a peice of advice from a 20 year old, with no children. It’s strictly an opinion.
BTW, I love your blog. I’m going to be one of your ten’s of subscribers.