This One Goes Out To the Ones I Love
Recently, I was packing my two year old son’s lunch for daycare. In addition to his food, I sent a note along.
The note, which I wrote in crayon, said, “Mommy and Daddy Love You, E”
It’s sad to think that one day he will likely reject such notes. Sadder still, how hard it is for me to accept or write such notes to anyone other than my son.
As men, we’re taught to bury such blatant expressions of love. Taught that such expressions are feminine and in some cases, a sign of weakness. This is probably genetically passed down through the ages, the whole ‘survival of the fittest’ thing. Need proof? Notice that you never hear about the metrosexual cavemen, who were quickly Darwined out of existence.
As men, we’ve become conditioned to never reveal our softer, vulnerable sides.
In fact, most men fear that even after 10 years of marriage, if they were to suddenly reveal a softer side to their wives, she will throw her head back and laugh maniacally, and explain how the whole 10 year marriage was a ruse designed to get him to expose his weakness, at which time 12 macho guys will jump out from the bushes and laugh, point, and call him a wuss.
While I’ve never prescribed to such notions of what it means to be a man, I could not completely escape those lessons in life which harden your heart and make it difficult to be as open as I’d like.
So, most times, while I may think loving thoughts about both my wife and child, it’s never as easy to express as it should be. And while I recognize that not all men are like this, and many have no problem whatsoever wearing their emotions on their sleeves, I’m not one of those guys.
So, I’m taking a moment now to write a very public note to those that I love, even though every instinct in me is screaming that this is too personal and too … I don’t know, something uncomfortable … I’m forcing myself to do it.
This goes out to the ones I love
To my wife: Happy Anniversary. You’re the kindest woman I’ve ever known. I could not ask for a better companion or mother to my child. I look forward to growing old with you. Okay, maybe not growing old – that scares the crap out of me – but I look forward to being with you always and learning more about you and from you as the calendars’ pages fall away. I should tell you this far more than I do, but know that I love you; even if I suck at expressing it. In fact, I know when you read this, you will likely think that this is a guest post by another, more sensitive blogger.
To my son: You are the sweetest, funniest two year old I know. Granted, you’re the only two year old I know, but still, I have enjoyed watching you grow from an infant to a toddler and watching as your personality emerges. There’s nothing quite so heartwarming as when you ask me to do something with you. “Daddy come play on the floor with me?” with those big innocent blue eyes, waiting for a response as you shake your head yes, in anticipation. It’s hard to believe that I am such an important part of anyone’s world when I feel rather dispensable most days. And while you had no choice in who you were born to, I hope that you will always be proud of who your dad is. I’ve never felt so close to anyone than in the moments we spend together. It’s a feeling I want to remember forever and hope that whatever cold seasons that settles over most father/son relationships doesn’t ever rain on ours. I love you.
To my dad: You sacrificed everything to give our family so much. You’re the strongest and most honest person I’ve ever known, without exception. Your actions and words have shaped my definitions of integrity and to always do the right thing no matter the personal cost. Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t always understand the messages when I was younger and for any difficulty or doubt I’ve ever caused you. Now, being on this side of fatherhood, I have an even deeper appreciation for all you’ve done. If there were a universal definition of Father, you should serve as the best example. I love you.
To my mom: Thank you for helping to raise me. While I don’t remember everything of my youth, I do recall fondly spending lots of time with you. I remember as a child, I would watch you draw and spend hours looking at your sketch book and then try to duplicate what you did. And you were always, and still are, very encouraging to my artistic pursuits. Your sense of humor and kindness helped shape me in ways that I am still discovering. Thank you, I love you.
To my brother: Talk about uncomfortable. It’s hard to say I love you without following it with a quick insult or something to prove I’m still masculine enough to trash talk. I’m proud of you for having lost a ton of weight and wish nothing but the best for you. While we’ve not always been close as we’d like, I’ve always, and will always, love you.
So back to that note I packed in my son’s lunch bag…
The teacher explained that he opened up the note at lunch and recognized the smiley face I drew. He smiled a huge smile and yelled, “daddy!” He then held it all through lunch and clutched it tightly as he took his nap. He then carried it in his front pocket the rest of the day. The thought of him carrying something in his pocket to remind him of me makes me all gushy.
I should write more letters.
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20 Responses to “This One Goes Out To the Ones I Love”
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I LOVE this post. We never do tell the people who matter that we love them, although I’d find it difficult to tell my brothers that too, at least without putting some snide remark in to reestablish my place in the pecking order. Congrats for managing to do so (unless the comment on weight loss was a round about way of telling him he’s a bit chubby).
But my favourite part was how your note was carried in his pocket all through lunch. Love it.
Brit in Bosnia´s last blog ..Dear So and So: Bosnian Version, Part V
AHEM ! (I know you know what I am thinking.)
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Seriously though, sweet post.
“It’s hard to say I love you without following it with a quick insult or something to prove I’m still masculine enough to trash talk.” I have three older brothers and I can’t recall telling them I love them, not in a letter and certainly NOT face to face. I’ve already lost one and now there’s only two remaining. Cultural conditioning is very hard to overcome.
jan geronimo´s last blog ..My Top #FollowFriday People and Their Best Posts
note to self.. finish that note to my wife..
good post, bud.
Eric´s last blog ..Off The Clock
Thank you, dear husband, for that lovely post. It is nice to read these notes and yes, more would be great!
I know you’re just a big mushy teddy bear under there! I love you! <3
This was a great post. I so enjoyed reading it! And, I smiled because just this morning I was writing a note to my son on a napkin for his lunch box too. My Mom did the same for me (actually, her notes were nothing short of amazing – creating books, scrolls, etc. with her love message – I have no idea where she found the time) and it’s one of the best memories I have as a child. Although I regret not keeping all of the notes or showing enough appreciation for them at the time. Again, as you said, when you get to this side of motherhood or fatherhood, it all becomes clear.
Thanks again for a great read this morning! It made my day!
Laura
Laura Aridgides´s last blog ..Why Most People Don’t Make It In Network Marketing
These types of posts are often the most difficult to write and the ones which feel like you are going to regret them. In my case though, they are the ones I never do. Great post my man.
Writer Dad´s last blog ..On Being Happy
Aww – that was really sweet!
Dana´s last blog ..Almost
AWESOME!!!!
I am equally as terrified of my son feeling he can’t talk about his emotions as I am of my daughter being made to believe that she can’t do anything but secretarial or sex work. Neither are pleasant gender stereotypes and are just as harmful as each other.
Your letters were really sweet and I’m sure made your entire family smile.
Noble Savage´s last blog ..Friday Flashback
Very nice and a good post to do at least once a year?
I do not think my parents every said “I love you to me” so I say it every phone call with my kids and every time they are home….and I mean it – not as a habit….I tell my hubby to say it too….
My siblings and I have one thing in common, we know our parents did a great job, but all of us have no idea if they ever loved us…if asked directly my mother might say “Of course we do that is just understood”…..
Patricia´s last blog ..Some Words are Just Hard to Hear
Very sweet and heartfelt note. On the other hand, I’m kinda wondering… did your son say anything to you like “My God, Dad, you’re a talented professional cartoonist. Couldn’t you put a little more effort into the drawing???”
David´s last blog ..OBAMA’S NOBEL PRIZE (TiVoing through to greatness…)
Now granted I am pregnant but I am in tears. That was just such a wonderful thing to read! I am going to do this myself this week and hopefully let the people I love know just how much they mean. Hopefully my few words can go a long way. Thanks for the inspiration!
Brittany at Mommy Words´s last blog ..Baby Name Faux Pas
I should probably thank you for getting REM in my head.
Hayden Tompkins´s last blog ..How to Sabotage Your Income
We men carry this false pride of machismo. In fact, women are much more stronger in that they can express their feelings, whilst men cannot. I salute your courage in acknowledging your other side.
Men of strength are able to face their emotions.
Walter´s last blog ..Crippling habits people embrace
This is a very very touching post. My parents were not those kinds of people who would show and speak of affection to me. That is why, now that I am already a dad, I am doing all those things to my son the very things I wanted to receive from my parents when I was still young.
Maybe, I should also write more letters.
elmot´s last blog ..Stop Tweeting Political Stuffs, Bro. Seriously.
Brit in Bosnia – Thank you.And no, the weight loss comment was sincere.
Lisa – I ALWAYS know what you’re thinking. You know I love you, too. This was for family. Of course, I should consider you my sister and just get you into my family already.
Jan – Thanks for the comment. That’s tough to have lost one already. Tell them!
Eric – thanks, bud. I appreciate it.
Blogger Mom – Don’t tell E I’m a teddy bear or he’ll want me in his crib.
Laura – Thank you. Did you save any of your mom’s notes? I wish I had.
Writer Dad – Thank you. Yes, I did hesitate several times before hitting publish.
Dana – Thank you.
Danielle – Thank you.
Noble Savage – Thank you. Yes, cultural and sexual stereotpyes are hard to break, especially when so many people fight so bitterly to retain the status quo.
Patricia – Thank you and from what I know of you, you seem like an excellent mother. Great job!
David – LOL! No, fortunately my son still thinks everything I draw is awesome whether it took 20 seconds or an hour. And he likes smiley faces – which leads me to suspect he may not really be my son.
Hayden – Thank you, and one can never have enough REM references. Consider this the hint of the century. Consider this The slip that brought me to my knees
Walter – Thank you. And yes, I agree, women are stronger in many ways. For instance, take child raising. Many single moms do it without much complaint. Yet a lot of guys I know complain when they have to sit in the same room with their kids.
elmot – Thank you. It’s great when we can recognize areas in our life we need to change, especially when they can influence our kids so greatly. Yes, write, write, write!
I wish I had kept some of my Mom’s notes. I have a pile of stuff that was kept by my parents, which I hope to be able to go through some day and I am hoping to find at least one of those special notes (or, I will just have to get her to make me some now!)!
Laura
Laura Aridgides´s last blog ..Why Most People Don’t Make It In Network Marketing
Way to go you gushy MAN.
This is nice, and gave me some great ideas. I’ll likely be writing my little one a note soon.
Jake´s last blog .."Angel Reflects Leda"