Walking on eggshells at the picnic in Hell
“Hey, it’s 104 degrees outside, let’s have a picnic!”
If my family had suggested such an outing, it would never happen. For one, my family wouldn’t suggest it. For two, if they did, I would be sure to tell them no way I’m doing that. You see, I can tell my family no and assume that they understand me. If not, we’ll talk it out and they will either get it or they won’t, but we will have expressed ourselves.
The picnic in hell suggestion, however, came from my wife’s side of the family.
And for some reason, nobody voices dissent in my wife’s family. Majority rules and nobody wants to run the risk of alienating or offending anyone, so they just agree to things even when they don’t want to do them. Walking on egg shells so as not to upset the apple cart.
And that’s how we found ourselves at a picnic yesterday in the 125 degree, humid Florida heat.
My wife was in my camp on this one — she did not want to go to the picnic. Our son, E, doesn’t handle the heat all that well. I swear, the kid turns pink almost immediately and he breaks out in heat rash. But my wife, being my wife, didn’t want to say no to the picnic. After all, both her sisters and their kids are in town and all that jazz.
And since her mom had bought chicken for me, I was also obliged to go. Suddenly, I was caught up in the eggshell walking!
Usually, if I don’t want to do something, I don’t do it. As simple as that. Why put myself at the mercy of other people’s whims to do stuff I don’t want to do?
So there we were at the park, in the 150 degree heat, sweat drenching our clothes as we battled mosquitoes the size of, and as lethal as, hand grenades and flies large enough to carry squirrels away.
The kids were kids — they can have fun pretty much anywhere, especially when there’s lots of dangerous things to climb, balls to throw and space to run. I had fun pushing E and some of the others on the swings. E LOVES the swings!
About an hour in, my sister-in-law asked me to go to the store to get marshmallows. Eager to get back into the cool air conditioned comfort of the car, I said yes and was halfway down the road before she even finished her request.
Odd moment of the day:
I was standing inside the grocery store, drenched in sweat, hair a mess, and holding a bag of marshmallows. I lifted the bag to my nose, and breathed in deeply, thinking, Man, I love the smell of marshmallows! It reminds me of the simpler days of childhood before responsibility, bills to pay and parental responsibilities. I’m not sure how long I was standing there sniffing the bag, but suddenly, I noticed I was being watched.
A cashier, standing nearby asked, “Is that all you’re gonna buy?”
“Um, no, I have to get some cheese,” I said, embarrassed as she likely called security on the marshmallow sniffing freak.
Back to the park
Everybody sat at the picnic tables, chowing down food with one hand, swatting flies with the other. Meanwhile, I was obsessed, watching as the flies landed on everybody’s food, on soda bottles on containers where food was, mentally marking each surface that a fly touched so as not to touch it myself.
Disgusting! Why would anybody have a picnic outside? That’s where all the insects are!
It makes no sense to me at all. Especially when it’s 200 degrees outside, it’s raining fire and trees are exploding into flames all around us.
I considered taking my food to the car to sit in the cool air, listening to the radio, and occasionally glancing up to wave at the rest of the family.
“Hey, how ya’ doing?” I would say with a big smile on my face.
Of course, I didn’t do that.
But as I sat there, I could tell that my wife was miserable. At least one of her sisters was also miserable. It seemed like nobody really wanted to be there, yet here we all were, walking on eggshells.
As if the buzzing flies weren’t gross enough, about halfway through my sandwich, my son choked on a piece of bread and proceeded to puke all over the place.
He handled it well, though, and immediately wanted to continue eating. Even if nobody around him wanted to.
Funny thing about this post. It started as a rant about the annoying picnic, but as I went through and found pictures from today, I found myself smiling. Maybe I should do more things I don’t want to do. Who knows what kind of memories I have been missing out while sticking to my solitary lifestyle?
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20 Responses to “Walking on eggshells at the picnic in Hell”
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Funny thing, I had checked earlier today, as I was hoping for a laugh at your expense, thanks for not making me wait another day. Interesting how the temperatures escalated…wouldnt find those recorded in any scientific way I bet. Nice how you discovered that, dispite the intense heat you felt, the experience was worth it in the long run.
You may find you have more of those serendipitous moments as E ages.
At least you did not blurt out within their hearing: “Just who are you people!”
Family and that includes the in-laws and relatives have that rare gift of driving us up the wall all too often. It’s great you’ve regained your bit of zen towards the end of the get-together.
jan geronimos last blog post..Connecting with Readers Is Blogging Own Reward
I’m with you on the heat front – I am not good in blistering heat, fret about the kids burning their pale Anglo-Saxon skins and, living near the sea as we do, spend a lot of my time excusing myself from picnics on the beach. I mean, that’s why they’re called SANDwiches right?
But you’re right, the kids invariably love it and have the best time frolicking in the surf with their little buddies. So maybe we all have to get over ourselves a bit and grit our teeth for the occasional afternoon (especially if there’s a fly attack looming!). So glad your rant had a happy ending.
Mamma Pos last blog post..Change is no good for a rest
Hi Blogger Dad,
I love how the post started out as a rant, but you found the silver lining. Maybe we do say “no” too easily, too often. This post made me think the next time I’m about to say “no”, I just might say “yes”, grab my camera and go- even if it’s 250 degrees.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..It Started With A Tweet
Oh I sympathise – my family is one of those egg shell ones… years of not saying anything remotely controversial is our speciality. I often find family events annoying – until I see how much my son is enjoying himself and I remember that I can’t live all of my life in front of a screen. Slowly, these events are getting easier to bear.
Emma Newmans last blog post..What makes a good short story?
I’m sorry Dave, you’re wrong. It’s imperative that you stick to your principles and DON’T do anything you don’t want to do. Other people will see it as a sign of weakness and then just about everybody will take massive liberties.
I’ll bet you could have got some great shots if you’d stayed indoors. E watching TV. E playing in the toilet bowl. E watching Daddy sitting on the couch in his vest and underpants cursing the day he ever got rid of cable.
Come on Dave, after the My Little Pony escapade, this is a step too far. I’m sorry but I have to say these things to save you from yourself.
Dave Fowlers last blog post..How To Delete ALL Your Twitter Direct Messages In One Go
If anyone dares to say no to my sister, she looks like Arnold disguised as that woman in Total Recall, before his face goes wobbly and his head explodes. A few years ago, if you said no to my mother in law, you’d expect to see her eyes go black, like the demons in Supernatural. I can understand why you went to the picnic and I loved watching your thought processes turn around. But I was left with one burning question; why do you live in Florida? I’m new to the blog so maybe there’s a really good reason for you living with the squirrel snatching flies. They have parks in Oregon; hell, we have parks in Scotland – move here and cheer us all up!
janices last blog post..Connected and Encouraged
Aww BD you’re a big ole softie.
Picnics are just brilliant here in the UK. It’s NEVER too hot and the children get to race around like lunatics while we sit back and chill out and watch them beat each other with a stick.
My one big concern though is those marshmellows. Pretty sure they are full of sugar and therefore not so good on a healthy eating plan? Just sayin . . . .
Tara@Sticky fingerss last blog post..I’m expecting some guests over
Dave,
I loved the ending of this post. I’m with you too. There are plenty of times when the weekend is finally here and I’m too tired to leave the house and would much rather leave the house. It’s almost always worth it though, and when I return home, I’m returning happy.
Writer Dads last blog post..Yo Recuerdo Mi Papí – I Remember My Papi
So all I have to do is buy chicken for you and you are obligated to me. Sweet!
The ending was touching, but I’m of the opinion that you can make many beautiful memories indoors. I have a policy of only making pleasant memories outdoors in late fall, early spring and the winter or if we are in foreign countries.
Tracys last blog post..Men’s Pocky
Oh and by foreign countries I mean Ireland and sometimes Germany not crazy places like Dubai or Madagascar. My 6 y/o is in Ireland right now and he’s wearing a windbreaker in the pictures his grandma sent. Can’t you just feel the breeze from the Irish Sea?
Forget Playstation, we need somebody to sponsor us hot weather State bloggers on a summer junket to Ireland.
Tracys last blog post..Men’s Pocky
As a chick, I love this story and the ending, but I am thinking you are going to get your guy card revoked soon.
Danielles last blog post..Weekend at a glance
I’m smiling too, but I like Dave Fowler’s comment.
Tricias last blog post..Wondering on Wednesday…Your Sanity Saving Tips?
I have my wife’s family reunion this Sunday. It is outside. I am not looking forward to it at all.
I’m going to try the fly watching game as well…
Boltons last blog post..My Economic Stimulus Request – Drying Time
I’ll have to agree with Danielle, you are so gonna get your guy card revoked… I too have issues with flies though – we limit our outside activites in the summer to the pool, or some other body of water, otherwise it is inside and air conditioning!
magimoms last blog post..Oh Happy Day!
Sounds like the kids were having a blast even if the adults were just enduring the festivities. And doesn’t that pretty much sum up much of parenting!
We have an expression that we often use with our kids when we’re pushing them to do something they’d rather not do: You can make it happy or sad; the choice is yours.
Usually, once they’ve made the mental commitment to “make it happy,” good times ensue. Sometimes we grownups need to be reminded to take the happy approach too.
Fantastic read. As everyone else has commented, I love that you found the silver lining. E looks like he’s having a great time (and it’s easy for me to visualize because from your pictures, he looks just like a younger version of Little Man’s best friend/nemesis).
And I, too, like how you kept raising the temp in 25 degree increments. “Especially when it’s 200 degrees outside, it’s raining fire and trees are exploding into flames all around us.” Awesome description!
Kool Aids last blog post..chasing fireflies
I almost peed my pants laughing while reading over the events of that day! I loathe the Florida heat during summer and I loathe even more, being outdoors with no A/C in sight. I know I have no room to complain since I live here. I think I need to move to the Arctic.
Very funny write, my dear husband!
I live where I live because it rains so much of the time – I even went for a 6.5 mile walk in the rain this morning to avoid the heat of the afternoon – I often, lose my food, when I eat and it is too hot – and Hawaii in the Fall was too hot for me too!…
But there are memories to be made – just not by me in the heat!
You did make me laugh out loudly and with gusto….I can count on you for that! And the pictures are so cute…Thank you
Patricias last blog post..Vows Another Word for Promises
For one! your kid is a real darling
…. well since you are a bloggerdad so you should be listening to your kiddo once in a while. Secondly, I believe getting away from this screen really helps a lot in tending to our creative cells.
I was struck with power failure at my place, and was grumping over it but then, having nothing else to do I went outside in the lawn and believe me resolved 2 crucial stuck up situations for my blog.
Write a Writings last blog post..Mental Makeover 1 : Thinking Like Cats and Writing Like Dogs